Gain a Little, Lose a Little....

So I was looking at pictures of our new house and was getting excited at some of the newer, bigger things we'll be gaining but then I also realized that I will be losing some very important and special things from this house.  I thought I'd list them so I'd have an idea of what I was actually gaining and losing.

We will gain:
- more living space
- a beautiful ensuite with a jacuzzi tub
- an additional bathroom
- larger kitchen
- attached garage
- mostly maintenance free home
- separate living spaces and a playroom (no more toys on my main floor)
- space for each kid to have their own room (in time)

We will lose:
- our very large yard
- my huge laundry room
- the hard earned appliances
- a room specifically for my crafting (until it's built)
- for the time being, neighbors that we know and love

Just a touch of freedom

Joshua is now 10.5 years old. Just a month or so ago, Doug and I began to leave him home alone. First it was with just Andrea and they did school for the 10 minutes I took at the grocery store. After a few weeks, I left the three oldest at home while Sarah and I ran to pick something up at Wal Mart. This past week, Sarah has been quite sick and has been sleeping at times that I'd have to run out and bring kids somewhere. Since Joshua was still sick on a day that Andrea had to go to ballet, and Sarah was sleeping, I left him in the care of the two little girls for 30 minutes. Driving home after leaving Andrea, I took a deep breath and enjoyed the quiet ride home... alone. When I arrived back at the house, Joshua and Arianna were still in the same spots watching cartoons and Sarah was still sound asleep. It is nice knowing that he can hold down the fort for a short time while I run out and I don't have to pack up all four kids just to run 10 minutes out for milk. I know for sure that by the time I was 10 years old, I was watching my three younger siblings while my parents went to Bible study once a week. Now, I'm not ready to head to Edmonton alone yet, but it's nice knowing my oldest kiddo is getting responsible enough for me to leave.

Hope Chest

Last night I thought I'd dig into my hope chest and begin packing up the items that are in it. As I lifted the lid, the aroma of the cedar wood drifted up and took me away to a world of memories.


I found calendars all the way from 1998... dates marked of when I took my first pregnancy test, when my 9 week old baby was booked for surgery, play dates, doctor appointments, my sister's wedding, miscarriages, the births of my daughters, when we first brought the dog home, road trips, new jobs, funerals... the list is endless.

I had a moment of wondering why I even bothered keeping these things but then thought "because it's my history". These are the events that shaped who I am, what I've become as a wife and mom, how my faith has risen and fallen. These are the events that have been such an important and intricate part of my life and more specifically, the past 12 years. So I will keep the bulky calendars.

In the bottom of my hope chest was a shoe box. Not remembering what was in it, I opened it and it took my breath away. I set the box that contained items from my Mom's funeral on the bed and began to explore the contents of it... all the cards, newspaper announcement, church bulletin, eulogy written by my uncle, tribute written by my sister and I, a letter from my brother, notes, words of encouragement from family and friends. I was taken back more than 10 years to the day that God brought her Home. I was saddened and even let some anger slip in as to why I had to experience such pain and loss at only 21 years old. I thought of all the joys that she's missed... another grandson, four granddaughters, new children in law... makes my heart hurt.


I also found many remnants from my wedding. A truly joyous day of my life. The day I united with my best friend and hero. The young man who has become my tower to lean on, my supporter, lover, my knight in shining armor, the one who knows me better than anyone else. With him we've created four wonderful children who are (for the most part) the delights of my day. They bring me joy and laughter like I've never known. They made me the person I've wanted to be since I was a little girl... a mom.


My hope chest holds so much that is close to me. It is full of memories that made me laugh, cry, and reminisce through the years. Doug lovingly built the cedar box for me for my birthday many years ago, which I now place small things that mean so much to me and need to be treasured.

Fighting the Flu

Last Friday, Andrea came home from dance not feeling well. By bedtime, she was running a temperature, coughing and was all stuffed up. We skipped out on church this weekend since by Sunday afternoon, Joshua was coming down with the same symptoms. Meanwhile, Sarah had been fighting a slight runny nose as well but didn't get really sick until today. She slept 15 hours during the night and had a three hour nap in the afternoon. Arianna also woke up today coughing and feeling yucky.
Now, the older two are getting better and hopefully, the little girls are on the mend too. A few nights of early to bed, pyjama days and relaxing with a cup of tea will likely do the trick. I didn't capture the older kids' pictures during this time but this picture of Arianna just captures her feeling of "yuck". The mussed up hair, glazed eyes, and the nightgown say it all.

Changes

Just yesterday, this hallway and the china cabinet were adorned with family pictures and china. Feeling like I had to do something productive today, I carefully wrapped each wine glass and gold trimmed dish and set them in boxes graciously labeled "FRAGILE". The walls are getting bare, we've taken down some window valences and I've packed away all my crafting supplies. Today was also a day for taking older but usable small appliances to goodwill, hoping that someone else will be able to use them as well. There's only 26 more "sleeps" in this house and then we'll be sleeping in a new place. Time is flying by and there's so much to do yet...

Trusting Your Instincts

One Fierce Mama's blogging account of how her instincts to wear her crying baby for the first year of her life saved her young life. While many people including those in the medical profession told her to let her baby cry it out, this momma never gave way to those opinions. Take a moment to read her journey.

I love being her favorite!

I had to help at the school this morning from 8:30 to 1:00. Add 15 minutes on to each side of that and that was 5 hours that I left Sarah in the care of her Grandma. I know that the two of them had a great morning together and I have no worries when I'm gone although I do miss my baby terribly. As I walked in the house, Sarah could hardly crawl fast enough to get to me. And as I picked her up, she assumed the position for a nursing session. Yes, water with Grandma is ok but momma is much better! It is so great to know I'm loved unconditionally!

Playing with Photoshop

Original

My heart is sad

And I can't even get into it. Just something I need to figure out with the person. I don't know the how, when or even IF but today at church, my heart just hurt when I saw this person. This one so close to me has hurt me and they probably don't even know and won't until I bring it up. I shed a few tears this afternoon and even that release felt a little better. I don't think there will be peace until it's brought into the open....

They're Growing Up

I dropped Joshua and Andrea off at school this morning and as they waved good-bye and I drove off, leaving them in the hands of their very wonderful and competent teachers, I wondered how it happened that they've become so independent. Doug has often told me that our job with the kids is to make them fully independent adults when the time is right. I've allowed them many freedoms. I'm sure many parents would think I'm crazy but if I don't let them do certain things on their own, I feel I will miss the small window of their lives that will allow them to feel grown up. If I coddle, protect, and hover for too long, they may be wary or frightened of the big world. Or, even worse, they may rebel and express their feelings through other worldly dangers. As I continued to drive home with my two little girls, I wondered a few things:

- Do they really walk their bikes across the street like I've instructed? I saw a boy about 10 or 11 years old ride his bike across the road on a red light. Will mine do that?
- Do they really stay in their boundaries of the "forest" so I know where they are?
- Do they have a true sense of God being with them in their day, allowing them to make a choice of right or wrong?
- Will my wondering and questioning change anything?

I know that in these quiet moments of questioning my parenting, I need to lift these precious people to God and trust that He will take care of them. That the funny feeling in the pit of their stomach, telling them that something is not ok to do, is the One who is watching them when I can't. I pray for physical, emotional and spiritual protection on them and that as I allow them freedoms and responsibilities, they in turn will respect me as their mom.

My plan for tonight....

To load up some much missed programs onto my new laptop that Doug bought me. He says it has enough power and memory to do whatever I want it to!

Just me and my coffee

Sarah's been fussing off and on since about 5:30... not really a good time to get up BUT I wasn't able to fall back to sleep. So I brewed a delicious pot of coffee, turned on the laptop and am taking advantage of this quiet morning.

It's Official

The house we are in now is sold and we signed the final papers on the new one last night. I can't believe we are actually moving. Today we have 45 "sleeps" left in this one. We have lived here for 11 years. Each of my four kids was brought to this house from the hospital when they were born. Each of them learned to walk on these floors. We've marked a short wall with their heights every six months. The memories come flooding back to me when I think that the next six weeks will just fly by for us. I am excited at the thought of a new and much larger kitchen. And we will make many new memories in the new house. What fun awaits us!

The front of the house

The kitchen with a wraparound counter

Master bedroom ensuite