Testimony

Each Sunday, one family from our church has the opportunity to introduce themselves, sharing how they arrived at this church, a little about their walk with Jesus as well as anything else they wish to share. Last Sunday was our turn. I'd like to share that now with you.

I have been part of Spruce Grove Alliance Church since I was a baby and became a Christian when I was around 4 or 5 years old. I grew up in a secure Christian home and was baptized at the end of grade 9. Doug and I started seeing each other shortly before I graduated and after three years, three months and three days of dating, we were married.

This summer we celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary and we have four great kids with us today: Joshua, Andrea, Arianna and Sarah as well as three more that we will meet one day when we get to Heaven. In those 18 years, we had seen many ups and downs including the loss of my mom when I was 23. That event was a very critical point in my journey with God as my mom was faithfully leaning on Jesus, even when she knew there were no more answers. One prayer that she wrote in her journal was that her children would continue to follow Jesus, no matter what happened. I desired to have a faith like hers, one that was unwavering, confident and fully trusting in Him.

Fast forward a few years to November of 2011 when our world was once again turned upside down. We had received the news that Sarah had cerebral palsy and microcephaly, which means an abnormal smallness of the head and brain.  These two diagnosis together are what cause her to be severely delayed in all areas of development. It was also around that time that Doug and I thought something was going on with him and that’s when our journey with his depression began. I’m not sure where I thought God was at that time but I know well enough now, that He was there, holding me close even when my world seemed so dark.

When I think of how following Jesus has changed my life, one of the greatest transformations has actually occurred over the past 2 ½ years since we started attending Calahoo. My first encounter with this church was the summer of 2013 when Andrea was helping with worship for VBS and someone dressed up in a medieval costume showed up at my door to pick her up. Even before we were attending, people were being Jesus to us- someone was offering to bring Andrea to and from the church for me. That simple act by Michelle very quickly showed me how willing she was to bless me.

In the December after we began attending here, a couple friends and I were doing a prayer study with L. One of the first questions we were asked was “what is my relationship with God like?” and then “how would I like it to change?” Over time, it became clear that God was much more real than I had believed and He was desiring a much closer relationship with me. I have been a believer since I was young and I think over time, I had become comfortable in my faith and that comfort was robbing me of my dependency on God. I have been challenged physically, with my own heart issues, emotionally as I continue to learn about depression as well as being the mom of a special needs child and spiritually, understanding that God is who He says He is. And all the while, seeing God walk with me each step of the way.

I am learning to lean on Him and trust that He will carry me through every high and low in life. Making new friends as we get older isn’t easy but I have built so many wonderful relationships here and I am blessed by them all. I love being supported and encouraged by others, I love the group that meets on Wednesday nights and I appreciate being able to be real and honest with people. I also love how prayer has changed me. From sending out texts asking for someone to pray for me, to receiving them in order to pray for others and trusting that Jesus will answer. This was evident this past week as we were praying for a friend's little boy.


In our most recent chapter in the ladies study, we learned about Mary's courage when she was informed that she would be the mother of the people's Saviour. With a submissive spirit and servant's heart, she tells the angel, "May it be". We are invited to that kind of faith- one that calls us to face our fears and embrace uncertainty, because we don't know what God has in store for us. We leave behind the feeling of security, which forces us to trust in the sweet love of Jesus. That's what Mary did with a contented and obedient heart and she leads a wonderful example of how I want to live.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Letting Go

I think the very first time I can recall of letting one of my kids "go" was as a newborn and having someone else hold them as I tend to be a bit of a hoarder when it comes to my babies. Other moments that I can recall letting go are:

• when their tiny hands slip out of mine and they take their first steps
• when they toddle into a Sunday School classroom and are "okay"
• when they master a two wheeler bike and venture out on their own
• asking them to get the mail for me
• allowing them to go to friend's house without me
• permitting the first sleep-over and believing they'll do fine
• watching them walk into a school for the first time, even if it is high school

The most recent phase of "letting go" occurred yesterday when Joshua received his driver's licence. He is now legally allowed to drive a vehicle without someone else with him. As I sit here writing this I'm trying not to obsess of his whereabouts with my friend finder app. My prayers have suddenly changed and I have a much deeper desire of asking God to protect him and watch over him. Trusting that he is in God's hands and learning to let go has been my biggest lesson over the past 24 hours. 

Last night was the first time that Joshua went out on his own, in his own car. I gave him a curfew time and trusted him to abide by it. I know he went to a friend's house but after that he just went cruising. I didn't know where he was and I just kept placing him in Jesus' hands. Yes, he came home on time and in one piece and then I was able to sleep soundly. We've entered a new era of parenting with two new drivers in the house and I'm finding I spend much time on my knees is prayer. Asking God to fill Doug and I with wisdom and praying for His protection over our kids. 

School: My Thoughts, Views and Our Story

~ Homeschooling isn't just about academics, it's a lifestyle. 

And it's what we've chosen for our kids. ~

When Joshua was five years old, I began exploring school options for him. A friend of ours had been homeschooling their son who was a year older than Joshua and really encouraged me to try it out. The thought of it was overwhelming and so we ended up sending him to kindergarten that fall. The year was rough on him. He was frequently bored and spent much time away from others because he'd be done sooner than the others and would become a distraction. The teacher was fresh out of college and this was her first year. I had no idea what to do either and having the mind-set of "finish what we began", he endured the 10 months of kindergarten. I knew I had to do something different for grade one so I did some research and the next year, he was registered for school at home. He flew through the grade one books that I bought and it quickly became clear that moving at his pace was the way to go.

In the meantime, Andrea was in the same kindergarten that Joshua was. Her time in the classroom was alright but she had her first taste of physical bullying at the young age of five. I wish I was bolder and braver then because I wouldn't have made her endure the year. Why nothing was done, I don't know. Even though that is in the past, some of those memories still rise up in her. She too began the homeschooling adventure when she was in grade one.

The year was pretty busy with a grade two, grade one and toddler hanging out but we did it. Lots of reading together, writing and staying on target with their Language Arts.

I have tried lots of different home education formats. From being 100% aligned with the curriculum guidelines to the opposite end of the spectrum, being traditional to a blended program where the kids went to school twice a week and I homeschooled the other three days. For three and a half years, the blended program worked really well. Arianna was in grade one, Andrea grade five and Joshua grade six. In February of 2011, Doug and I made the choice to take the kids out of the school system and begin full time homeschooling again.

Since 2011, the kids have stayed on target with their math and LA skills. For science we did units on astronomy and social looked at some government and Bible history. Last year was a little different as Joshua was preparing to transition into the local high school. He did aligned courses in math, LA and social and did very well. He didn't do the science course. Was he unprepared for what grade 10 had to offer? Probably. Will he succeed? Absolutely.

Andrea is currently in grade nine. She is doing an aligned math curriculum and her LA skills will come out as she writes essays and reports on the medieval history lessons that she's reading about. For science this year, both girls are doing Anatomy and Physiology together. Arianna is working on grade five level vocabulary, spelling, reading and writing and her social is learning about the geography of Canada. Andrea intends to continue and complete her education at home. I don't know what that looks like today... I'm not looking at next fall yet. I also know her character and work ethic and believe with all my heart that she will succeed in whatever she does. If she choses to change her mind, then that will be okay but for now, I'm sure that she will do her high school years in the dining room.

Homeschooling the kids was not a choice that Doug and I made lightly. We prayed about it often, and still do. Until we feel led otherwise, we believe that this is the best choice for our kids and our family.

Mother's Day 2014

It was Sunday, May 9, 1999. My very first Mother's Day as a mom with my two day old son and the last one I would ever spend with my mom. Just two months and two weeks later, I said good bye as she walked in the waiting arms of Jesus after her heart simply gave up the fight to go on.

This particular Sunday of each year fills me with so many ups and downs. I travel the emotional roller coaster all day, experiencing joyous highs and tearful lows.

In the midst of the day, even though I am a mom and I get to be extra recognized, sometimes it's hard to be cheerful and smiley. The feeling of missing my mom never goes away and a small part of my heart is gone forever. I will always remember her... not a day goes by that she doesn't cross my mind, even if it's just for a fleeting moment. 

When I sat down to write my thoughts on my Mom, just pouring out my heart, this is what I came up with:

If I could have one more day, I would make us a cup of tea so we could talk.

I would ask you to write out all your favorite recipes because it's so precious to see your handwriting.

I would think of all the questions that I wanted to know the answers to and we'd write them out together.

If I knew what I'd be doing today, all those years ago, I would seek your opinion on so many things. 

Raising teenagers, baking secrets, housekeeping tips and home management ideas.

If I knew that I would be saying good bye forever, I would record our conversation so I could hear your voice again.

I'd ask you to write me a letter. With encouragement, support, prayers and guidance. I would treasure that forever.

I would take more pictures of us. Of you. I'd take a video of your laugh, your smile.

I know you weren't perfect. Or maybe you were.

Perhaps I've simply forgotten all the unpleasant memories and pushed them aside for only good thoughts and images.

I hope I've make you proud. That if you were here, I would hear you say "good job Tess."

If I could have one more chance to hug you, see your face, hear your voice.

If on that day, when I waved good bye after our last supper together,  I knew I wouldn't see you again, I would have told you how much I loved you.

That I was so thankful for the precious 23 years and 5 months we shared.

I would tell you that I appreciate everything you've done for me. 

You were a model for me. You lived a strong life and fought such a hard battle in the end. 

I hope I can be as wonderful and lovely as you. A heart full of joy, a face that radiates light and a soul that emits the love of Jesus everywhere I go. 

Happy Mother's Day Mom, you are loved today and always.

A Type of Respite

This week, my older kids have been on spring break. A couple months ago, I was gifted with passes for the West Edmonton Mall World Water Park from a family member. I had saved them for this week because I knew most other schools were back in session, having had their break already. Last year, we did it and we took Sarah. I don't think it was good or bad, just different and a little tougher. She is overwhelmed by the noises and chaos and gets cold quickly. It also meant that someone had to be with her at all times so either myself, Joshua or Andrea ended up in the shallow end or kiddie pools. Sarah also doesn't like her head or face wet which proved to be difficult in a water park setting as well. When this week rolled around, after a lot of thought and consideration, I knew it would be in her best interest if she didn't come. Instead, she spent five busy hours playing with Grandma!

It really tugged at my heart that it was best that she didn't come. So often, I look forward to introducing things like this to my kids and I desire full inclusion, especially as a homeschooler. I wanted her to come. I wanted to share the experience with her and I wanted her to enjoy it. But in the very same breath, I wanted my older three kids to have as much fun as possible and that couldn't happen when one of us had to watch Sarah.

When we arrived, I'll admit it took me a while to fully enjoy myself. Once the kids and I were up to our necks in waves and enjoying each other immensely, I knew I made the right decision. Joshua and I went on a few slides together and the connections with each other that I saw in my older three kids filled my heart with joy. Andrea and Joshua kept a close eye on Arianna and made sure no one bowled her over with a tube. We shared some snacks and drinks together and we ended our time with Joshua and I taking a ride on the zip line!

I am so blessed by Doug's mom who shared an entire afternoon with Sarah, playing in puddles, eating snacks and watching preschool cartoons. I think if she came, it would have been alright but probably not as carefree feeling as it was. It allowed me to fully embrace my older three, and giving them the opportunity to do something without being held back by Sarah and her needs. I know how important it is to do things like this once in a while so that they can enjoy being who they are.

 ** Picture courtesy of Grandma**

"Sarah splashed in grandmas puddle for about ten minutes ...

till the boots overflowed, and she announced she was now cold!"

Baking

When I bake, I can't help but let my mind take me back to my childhood days. I had it in my mind that I wanted to bake buns yesterday. So I rounded up my Oma's homemade bun recipe and got started. Of course, this meant first running to the grocery store for milk and yeast. It's an old fashioned recipe with the traditional yeast that needs proofing and stuff like that. I love it. I love baking with bread and there's nothing quite as satisfying as seeing the tiny ball of dough rise to overflowing!

Then, it's just as exciting to see the little lumps of dough rise into their yummy bun shapes. For me, it's a thrill. If I could bake bread or buns daily, I would!

And oh how good it smells in my house today. The aroma of fresh baked buns takes me to a little house in Neerlandia, Alberta where I remember spending many, many visits with my Oma and Opa. I can recall how the kitchen was always being used to bake and a special treat was these buns with a pat of butter and a sprinkling of white sugar on top. Always. Every. Single. Visit.

My Oma was a wonderful baker and although she died when I was only 8 years old, the memory of these hot buns still is so very clear in my mind.

My mom was also a busy baker. The house often smelled of loaves, cookies or cakes. We often would come home from school and could eagerly anticipate something delicious that she had baked for a snack. I love how when I bake, the time is spent remembering the women before me who have left their skills and talents to me and maybe even one day, my own daughters will delight in baking. I am so thankful for the memories I have.

Christmas 2013

Well, last night was the final Christmas hurrah for us as we celebrated with my side of the family. On the 24th, we spent the day watching movies eating snacks and enjoyed a fun Mexican supper of hard shell tacos, requested by Arianna. Our movies this year were Despicable Me 2 and Turbo, both of which are very cute shows and since Sarah loves slap stick humour these were great for her. The little girls went to bed on time and the older two and I finished up wrapping the stocking stuffers, as we've done in the years past. Of course the kids all got to open their one (predictable) gift of the annual pyjamas!

Christmas morning began early for a couple of the kids (Joshua and Arianna) who were allowed to open their stockings once they got up. Of course I was up shortly after them as I have alway been one of the first to wake up on Christmas morning. Sarah joined us around 7:45 and was delighted in being able to open more "p'esents a me!" We have always determined that when four of us are awake, then the other two (Doug and Andrea) get to wake up as well. So this year, things were rolling by about 8:00.

 Sarah LOVED opening presents this year. It was as if she'd never experienced it before!

 Andrea's typical "first thing in the morning" pose. I'm sure I have this same picture from years past.

 I re-gifted Andrea's American Girl doll to Arianna this year. Probably my favorite expression. Ever.

 An official Harry Potter scarf and another sketch pad.

"All I wanted was Jedi robes"

This year we did things a bit different. Each kid received two gifts but they were what they asked for. They were still surprised but we didn't do practical this year. It was SO much fun!!

Later in the day, we headed to Doug's parent's for Christmas dinner with his mom's side of the family. 

Boxing Day started out pretty slow. My family came over later in the afternoon and we all exchanged gifts. It was really a good evening and a great chance to see everyone again (less one brother). We didn't make a late night out of it but after a busy week, that was ok. 

I woke up this morning ready to regain ownership of my living room and that will be in the form of taking the tree down. I loved it this year. It is smaller than other ones we've had and took up much less space which was nice. I think I'll leave my village and nativity sets up because they don't take up a whole lot of room or floor space. 

One other really COOL gift that my kids and nephew received from my in laws were personalized coveralls. 

"Grandpa Fidelak's Pit Crew"

Depression - Part 3 (Doug's View)

Thanks to my husband for opening up and sharing his side of the Depression story. The following was written by him:

"Doug is medically unable to work for a minimum of two weeks, effective immediately."

That is the text that rocked my world nearly two years ago.  There were multiple items that converged on me at the same time, and eventually I was unable to stand the strain.

If you haven't walked through depression as part of your story, it is very difficult to understand.  Depression isn't just having an "off" day, or bad week. Instead, it's months of slowly losing motivation, clarity of thought, and the ability to find hope.

A problem was evident, so I wanted to find a solution but really didn't know where to begin.

I started by redoubling my efforts at work and at my volunteer efforts (Confessions of a workaholic), hoping to reignite my passions and thereby my energy and perspective.  There was plenty to put my hands to:  A promising career opportunity, an active position on a board, and beginning to understand the challenges that my youngest daughter was and still is facing.  

It didn't work.

I found myself unable to focus on the items that were in front of me - my mind would almost inevitably other items. If I was at work, I was concerned about family, friends, or my church board obligations.  If I was at home, my thoughts wandered through the things I felt should have been accomplished at work or to matters related to the church board.  (Interestingly, when I was at meetings related to the church board, my focus was primarily upon the matters at hand. Perhaps it's related to my overdeveloped sense of responsibility, but I think it was more likely a prudent Spiritual intervention)

Red flags started to come to the forefront.  I recognized them quite readily from a previous time of depression when I was in high school, and then from the self-education that I undertook to support my school friends as well.  

Withdrawing from social interactions that had previously been my lifeblood was one sign. 

Losing my optimistic lens for issues was another... I had to really work at finding a positive angle on the challenges that came my way.

My children started to ask why I wasn't happy - Why I didn't laugh anymore.  (That revelation struck deep in me)

I saw the signs, but felt powerless to change the circumstances that I was in. (Yes, that IS yet another sign of depression.) I have always viewed my word as my bond, but I had simply given my word to too many things!

From the time that we started dating, Stephanie and I have found that we can have some of out best discussions while driving down the road together.  One evening, Stephanie asked if I might be depressed.  By that point in time I was certain that I was depressed - I was just wondering to what degree.

I made an appointment with my GP, and the diagnosis was confirmed.  I started on antidepressants through the two weeks that I was off work... and Stephanie can attest to the fact that it was a rough time. The emotional roller coaster settled down, and the world slowly came back into focus for me.

Alright.  The truth is that some days are still rocky, but there are more good ones than bad at this point and I can still say that in the things that really matter, I'm well.

Day One of School, 2013/2014

Well, I survived. I was initially a little worried because Joshua's way of schooling is taking a 180* turn. He's going from traditional to aligned in three subjects. And he's doing them online. I think it'll be a good year of transition as he considers going to high school in grade 10 or 11. I'm not rushing him by any means but I do want him ready if he choses that way.

Andrea did almost all her stuff on her own today. She's become very independent and I'm thinking of some online next year for her as well.

Arianna did what I figured she'd do for grade 4. A little bit of writing. A little vocabulary and a touch of math. She played a lot with Sarah as well which was a nice help this afternoon.

Sarah spent her morning with "a best ever Sh'eem" who is an amazing blessing to me and my family. Shaneen loves Sarah and Sarah had a great time playing with and entertaining Shaneen.

I think overall, it was a good first day. It always takes us some time to get into the groove of things and I know that everything will fall into place over time.

Happy first day of school!

Just Ten Minutes

The older two kids are at a party this evening. That meant that I came home from our weekly family supper with Doug's parents, by myself with the two littlest girls. I mentioned before that I had a crazy week. Well, one day into the weekend and I don't quite feel like I've recovered. So I'll admit that I just wanted to get into the house with the girls and get them to bed as fast as I could. Sarah erupted into tears as I tried to tuck her into the bed with Arianna so I quickly gave up that fight and gently plunked her into mine and Doug's bed.

I thought I'd just hug and kiss her and slip out. "P'ease a 'tory?" I hear as tiny arms are wrapped around my neck. I took a deep breath and read a story to two sweet daughters on either side of me. Arianna headed to her own bed and I turned off the light in our room.

The same little voice then exclaims "We 'got a brush a teef!" I tried to tell her they were fine and we could do them in the morning. Her response: "But see Mom, dere dirty!" as her sweet mouth was wide open to show me. With a gentle sigh, I tell her to hop out of bed and she scrambled to the end where I was waiting. So with her legs around my waist, her arms clinging to my neck and her head nesting on my shoulder, she whispers "thank you Mom".

I just wanted to remind myself that in the big picture of my 1, 440 minutes in a 24 hour period, those ten minutes were really not that long. Yes, I wanted to hurry the tuck in process. Yes, I wanted to just be alone for a while. But the complete and ultimate adoration of my sweet five year old was worth the extra time. And the connection I made with a {growing up too fast for my liking} nine year old was important too.

I was talking with my sister about the "new year" starting in the fall. To both of us, it's a time where we regroup, make some resolutions and sort things out as school begins. I'm hoping to enjoy my kids as much as possible. To spend time with each of them. I want to play outside and take delight in the things they do. And to remember that bedtime tuck ins are a vital part of their day.

Happy Saturday my friends...

Good Bye Summer

Well, it's almost over... summer of 2013 that is. I really don't think we had many nice days over all and I'm sure I wore jeans or capris and a hoodie more often than not. I'm kind of complaining here since I really like summer. June was a write off as it rained pretty much every. single. day. There was 130mm of recorded rainfall. Seriously. The garden that I attempted was pretty much washed out. Now that we are approaching September, things are slowly falling into a routine.

Joshua has begun his online school with a few days of orientation which has been a huge learning curve for both of us. I think it will be a good year for him and I.

The older girls will also start their traditional school next Tuesday after a (hopefully) relaxing weekend.

For some reason, this ended up being a really busy week and I am paying for it with Sarah's bad mood. She is whiny, clingy and tired. She has spent most of today crying off and on and is really unable to tell me what's going on.

I am thankful that before we get back to school full force, we will have a nice long weekend to spend together as a family. Even if that means games or watching a movie. I see popcorn, treats and maybe a wiener roast in our near future!

Happy Friday everyone! Have a great weekend.

Happy Birthday

To Homeschooling Mom of Four blog! On this day in 2007, I began a new venture of blogging. I had no idea where it would go or what it would do. I have written 526 posts so far with my busiest year being 2011 when I posted 130 times. This year might follow close since I'm already at 103 to date. Although I write about a wide variety of things, Sarah is my most common subject followed close behind by the other kids, Doug and homeschooling. I have 51 drafts sitting in a folder, some of which may or may not ever see a publication.

This blog was intended to be a place for me to share my thoughts, visions and dreams. Through it I have found a huge network of homeschooling families as well as amazing and supportive special needs parents. I know that not everyone will agree with what I say but we're all human and I'm okay with that. I do this for myself and if I can encourage someone else with it, then that's all the better.

Thank you for sharing and reading through this journey with me. Enjoy your Tuesday!

Wordless Wednesday

 Arianna's certificate for her hair donation!

 He's always gotta get to the highest point on a playground!

 Stunning!

 "Look Mom, I am a puppy."

 "Where I've Been" Starbucks mug that my sister brought from Vancouver. I'm loving collecting these.

Cute. Sweet. Precious.

One of the props at VBS.

Thankful Sunday

Well, it doesn't sound nearly as catchy as Thankful Thursday but I really felt like I needed to find some things that I was truly grateful for. I've been feeling really worried since Sarah's little incident last week. I've felt scared, edgy and worried. A lot. So here's what I am thankful for today on this Sunday morning.

• First, that my sister was with me at the park. She was calm, confident and reassuring. She was the strength that I didn't have (or need) at a very intense time.
• Second, if what happened to Sarah was any more serious, we were in a large, busy city that I know medical aid would have been easy to access.
• Third that I was able to quickly reach and speak to a nurse when we arrived home. Although, I don't quite believe it was "nothing to worry about" like she said, I am thankful that those notes will be made on Sarah's chart and we'll be able to discuss it with the doctor. 
• I'm thankful for the encouragement of friends and family. I don't know if something like this will happen again but I am so appreciate of the prayer and support that I received in a very short time.
• Once again, my family is a blessing to me. My husband loves me with his whole heart and our children are all amazing in their own way. Parenting teens is a whole new game here and we're trying our best to do what we can.
• Hugs and cuddling from the kids. Joshua always has been and still a very affectionate kid, even though he's 14. He will still hug and kiss me good-bye and I am grateful for that. Andrea's a little more distant but still frequently leans in for a hug and always comes to say good-night. Every night when she's tucked in, Arianna asks for a snuggle. We pray and then curl up together and talk about her day. Sarah is my cuddle bug. Her phrases "I need a hug-uppy" and "I need a cungle" are the most irresistible words ever and I love hearing them.
• For the blogs that other moms (and dads) write. I love reading about other people's experiences and my awareness and knowledge of other special needs grows daily. They support and encourage me and I try to do the same.
• I'm thankful for quiet opportunities such as this when my family is still sleeping and I'm allowed to venture into my own thoughts.
• For the love of an ever present God. His never fails, even when I do. He waits patiently for me to come back when I insist on handling everything on my own. 

16 Years

Sixteen years ago, the day dawned bright and sunny, very similar to this morning. In fact, most August 2nd's over the years have been beautiful. 1997 was amazing. I got married. I pushed through elementary school, tolerated junior high, put up with high school, took a couple years of collage and then the day that I knew my life was going to begin was here. I had the frilliest, pouffiest, most ruffly dress I could find. I wanted to be a princess marrying her prince. And I was. 

The phrase on our wedding invitation was:

This day I will marry my friend,

The one I laugh with,

Life for

Dream with

Love

I married my friend. We had dated for exactly 3 years, 3 months and 3 days before we got married. When we went out on our first date to a restaurant called Maxwell Taylors on Jasper Ave, I was pretty sure, I was going to be Doug's wife. Now at the time, he was not quite 17 and I was only 18, but sometimes we know these things anyhow. 

We have gone through our fair share of ups and downs in our marriage. Weddings, funerals of my mom and our grandparents, the births of our four children, the loss of three other pregnancies. One of the greatest blessings in our marriage is that we are not fighters. Seldom do we argue and if we do, it's peaceful and amicable. We are honest with each other and speak carefully to one another. We are peacemakers. 

I am so glad that I can grow old with the man who not just loves me but also adores me and likes me. Doug makes me feel special and good about myself. He is encouraging and supportive. He loves our children and works incredibly hard for us. 

Today we celebrate 16 years of marriage and I am looking forward to the next 16 and beyond.

1997

2011
(still my favourite recent picture)

Thankful Thursday

1. Despite my occasional vent about being woken up early, I am thankful that I am a morning person. I'm in a phase of life where my oldest two kids like to stay up late (I consider anything after 10, late) and yet my youngest girls like to get up early. That means my window of sleep is very small, as is the amount of alone time I get. Being up early is best without kids. It's a chance for me to sip my coffee, read and catch up on my blogs, both reading and writing.
2. Tomorrow is Doug and my 16th wedding anniversary. I am so thankful for him and our marriage. I look forward to the next 16 and beyond.
3. The weather has finally smartened up a bit. It's still not my ideal kind of temperatures for summer and I am beginning to feel a little deprived of those hot days. Yesterday, the kids and I took a walk to a park and spent some time outside. It was nice to get some fresh air, enjoy the sunshine and even burn off some energy.
4. Doug has been traveling this week (what else is new?) and I am glad we have a long weekend ahead of us. I'm hoping that we will be able to finish off some more of the painting and maybe by posting it on here, it'll actually get done! 
5. I love my morning coffee. I know it's a small thing, but I go to bed every night looking forward to that first mug of the day! 
6. I appreciate Sarah's cheerful outlook on most things. The first thing she does when she comes down is looks outside and says "it not raining!" Then she will begin to build her day and tell me what she might do. Her two favourite comments are "I go slide-park" or "play outside, Shee'm". The latter refers to a wonderful young lady who hangs out and plays with Sarah a couple times a week. They are Sarah's most looked forward to days!
7. Life. I am blessed with an amazing family and great friends. The support and encouragement I receive from them are gifts that keep me going.

Last Day of July

This morning at 5:50, my 9 year old came into my room tearful about a bad dream she just had. Then she asked if she could go watch TV. Knowing what her mood would be like by mid-afternoon, I dragged myself out of bed and snuggled her in with her other two sisters. Just because Doug is out of town, doesn't necessarily mean I have more space to sleep. I'll admit, I was not in the best of moods at that time. I knew that I had a couple choices. I could have been angry and frustrated right out of the bedroom door which would have been fueled by the mess in the kitchen after I had cleaned up from supper. Or, I could stand tall (to my full 5 feet and 2 inches) and brave the day, beginning with a cup of coffee. No one else was up so I'd get that first cup all to myself, hot and sweet. 

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. 

My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

 ~Psalm 28:7

So for today, with one cup of coffee down and the hope of some sunshine today, I will chose the joyful road, rather than the angry one. It won't be easy but it can be done.

Happy Wednesday!

Daybook {07.15.13}

FOR TODAY

Outside my window... the lawn has been freshly cut by my son who is becoming more and more like a young man and less like a little boy. I love the smell of the yard after it's been mowed.

I am thinking... that I have a busy week ahead of me. The big girls are in a sports camp with our church and Joshua has a couple of work shifts. I'm glad the kids can do a few things like this to keep occupied with during the summer.

I am thankful... for summer weather. I really don't love much about winter months and this is such a refreshing season for me. I like to be warm and spend time outside with the kids. And not need a coat. Or boots. Or mitts. 

In the kitchen... it is marvellously clean. Supper is long over and it is simply waiting for the morning rush in less than 12 hours.

I am wearing... capri length cotton pants with a tank top. 

I am creating... something called 'social stories' for Sarah. The idea is to create a story for her that will help her with transitions, new ideas and basic tasks for living. 

I am going... to spend the last hour of my day reading. The girls all went to bed early and I'm going to enjoy these quiet moments.

I am reading... A Voice In The Wind by Francine Rivers. It's really thick and taking me a while to get through. 

I am hoping... that Sarah will continue to sleep well during the nights. She's been doing really good at staying in bed with Arianna until morning and she loves her two mini cookies that she gets as a little treat.

I am looking forward to... a few hours this week with just Sarah. It'll be quite different with just one hanging around me!

I am learning... how to research and figure out the 'system' in a way that will benefit Sarah the most this fall. I'll be able to get into that in a future post once I nail down some details.

Around the house... tidy. The little girls are in bed, Joshua is out driving with Doug and Andrea is in her room reading. I wonder how long it will stay like this...

A quote for today... "God is and all is well." (written on the headstone of my mom's grave)

One of my favorite things... the sound of laughter from my children. Happy noises like that make me think that things are alright in their world.

A few plans for the rest of the week... sports camp for the big girls, work for Doug and Joshua, some one on one with Sarah. Maybe I'll try to find a lunch date for her and I, have a visit with a friend or two...

Long Weekend 2013

Well, it was a busy and eventful weekend for us.

Arianna had decided that she wanted to cut her hair to sit just at her shoulders. When we measured the length, we found that she was only about 1.5 inches from the minimum length for locks of love. With the determination that she has, she went to the hair dresser and cut off 10-12 inches of hair. She is loving her new 'do and feels so much cooler, especially with the hot days we've been having.

Isn't she so pretty and grown up looking?

Speaking of hair cuts, someone else had a hair cut, only she did it herself. I wasn't nearly as pleased with this one. It's taken us five years of watching it slowly grow out.

Yeah, not nearly as fun...

On Monday (Canada Day), the kids and I headed out to Jubilee Park to participate in festivities that our city was having. Things were going fine until the traditional fighter jets flew over us. Of course the sound is startling as well as deafening and at that moment, all I could think about was Sarah who was trapped in her stroller. The kids and I whipped her out as quickly as we could but not quite soon enough. Her whole body appeared to have shut down. She didn't cry but she didn't blink or talk either. She was sweating hard against my chest and although she jumped as the second fly-by occurred, she was motionless. Somehow, her body went into a shock type reaction and it was a good 15 minutes before she stopped shaking and would respond to us. Usually her response to noise is to cry and cling to me but this one was really different and kind of scary. All day, she was talking about the scary planes... The weather was very hot today and so when I got her home, we went to my room with the air conditioning unit and snuggled in for some recovery time.

Once her body temperature was a bit more normal, Andrea, Sarah and I went to a park. Of course it was empty which is kind of how we like it. Today, this gave Sarah the opportunity to try some new skills. She mastered a little climbing wall and the swirly slide! I was so proud of her. Up until now, she's resisted the slide because she can't see the bottom so this was a huge accomplishment. She must have done it 15 times!

Loved it!

The kids Doug and I are just hanging out this evening, doing out best to stay as cool as we can. Tomorrow is back to the good ol' routine! Happy weekend!