Worries

Today I stumbled upon a blog that is written by a stay at home, homeschooling mom.  In it she talks about finding joy amidst the worries that life can throw at us.  Today, I am going to find joy and set aside my worries.

Joy in my children.
Joy in their schooling.
Joy in my home.
Joy in what I do.
Joy in how I do it.

Setting aside my worries about health, academics, my endless list of to-dos, the lack of time... today I will not worry about those things.  Worry takes away joy.

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Sarah Update

It's been a while since I blogged specifically about Sarah so I thought I'd give an update.

Wendy continues to come every few weeks to play with Sarah.  Her visits are both encouraging to me and at the same time, can bring me down a bit.  She brings wonderful materials for Sarah to touch and explore which is helping Sarah improve her visual memory & recognition.  Sarah's current favorite item is when Wendy brings a bag of dried beans to hide toys in.  My sweet girl quickly takes off her socks and wiggles her feet in the bag.  It is a wonderfully sensory activity and I know she enjoys it.

The last visit was one for me to vent a bit.  I received a call from the Glenrose Hospital and essentially felt like the door was closed in my face.  They told me they couldn't help me until or unless Sarah was in a "program" such as a preschool.  I hung up feeling defeated.  I can't and won't put my tiny 3 year old in a school type place.  I don't believe it will help and I'm not open to that idea.  I also asked Wendy to help me begin the process for FSCD funding.  Family Support for Children with Disabilities.  Funding that would help with childcare since I feel that the people I ask to babysit must be quite a bit older and somewhat experienced with her.  People who are ultra patient and understand that she is not of 3 year old abilities.  That, is hard for me.  I think when I complete the application and (if) we are approved, reality will hit once again.  I think the most encouraging words Wendy says to me are "It is really tough isn't it?"  Yes.  It is tough.  I appreciate the fact that she doesn't fluff around it telling me that it will be ok and so on.  She accepts my decision to keep Sarah home and I appreciate that too.  She is my advocate and on my side.  Admittedly, I also have times (usually after she leaves) that I wish I didn't need these visits.  


I try hard not to be too down or frustrated but like everyone else, I have bad days.  Days that I cry more, wish and pray that I didn't have to go through this.   


"I am pressed but not crushed,
persecuted, but not abandoned,
struck down, but not destroyed.
I am blessed beyond the curse,
for His promise will endure
and His joy is going to be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night,
His joy comes with the morning."
~Delirious~ 


I'm doing my best to believe these words... really I am.

Random comment

by Arianna today.  While driving around the city doing errands:

"My feet stink.  Does anyone wanna smell them?"

Mmm... no honey.  Put your shoes on and now we'll open the windows for a minute....

A Bunny

For quite a while now, Andrea has been friends with a girl who lives on a farm.  I can't recall how many times I'd pick Andrea up from Tia's with a plea to buy a bunny.  I always gave a firm no.  The last time (about 2 weeks ago), I was asked once again.  After Doug and I talked about it alone and with Andrea, we agreed to let her get one.  It was her money that bought the bunny, bag of food and some wood chips.  Today was the day that Tia delivered the bunny.  There was great anticipation in our house by everyone as the newest member of our family arrived.  The hutch was set up, water bottle and food dish filled and Miss. Pixie was introduced to her new home.

Starting to build the hutch

The completed hutch 

A very happy 11 year old! 

About 2 pounds of supreme cuteness!!

Has it been that long...

since Doug and I were in youth group at church?  I don't recall my first youth event but last night, I dropped off my "baby" at his.  It was an odd feeling of letting him go.  I didn't get out of the van to say good bye.  He didn't hug or kiss me either.  Some bittersweet feelings as I watched my firstborn head off with his friends, ready to face this next chapter in his life.

I remember many youth events... in fact, it was a Friday night (a football game to be specific) that I told a friend of mine that I wanted to date Doug.  Who knew that asking him to be my date for my grad night would eventually lead us down the aisle into our marriage of now 14 years!

Anyhow, it was just an odd-like sensation bringing Joshua to something that I so clearly remember about my own growing up years.  Maybe it made me just feel older.  More grown up.  How silly is that!  Am I ready for junior high... I hope these are great years for him.  Years of friends, growing and changing.

Wow.  Junior high....

Happy Birthday Andrea

Eleven years ago today, I went into the hospital ready to have our second baby.  I had no idea at the time how this sweet little bundle of pink would change our lives forever.  From a cute, round faced, pig-tail haired little girl to a tall, slim, mature young lady... the years have gone by so fast.  

You are an amazing girl and I can see God doing amazing things in your life.  You have a heart to tell people about Jesus and I know He has great plans for you.

You are wonderful with children... both your own younger sisters, and the kids you babysit.  You have a natural gift to play with them and I can see much of me in you when I was that age.  

You can sing.  I love listening to you praise God through your voice.

You are smart.  Teaching you is a joy and it's so exciting to have those "lightbulb" moments together as a concept becomes clear to you!  

You are creative.  I've seen you design Halloween costumes, dresses and other items.  You are crafty, artistic and talented.  I can't wait to see how you put all those to use as you grow up even more.

You are not a morning person.  Your birthday present this morning will tell that!  *smile*

Birthday 2004

Joshua is your closest friend and yet a greatest pest at the same time. 

Birthday 2005

Arianna models you.  She adores you and watches everything you do.  She wants to be just like you!

Birthday 2006

Sarah adores you.  You are her "go-to" person when I'm busy in the kitchen or when I need to run out for a bit.  You are her hero!

Birthday 2007 - First motorcycle ride!

Your dad and I love you.  We love watching you grow into a young woman and we are amazed at how far you've come in your life.  I pray that God protects you in these fragile years and that He continues to show me how to be the best mom to you.  

Birthday 2008

Birthday 2009

Birthday 2010

Today is your day Andrea.  I wish you the happiest of all birthdays and that this year is filled to overflowing with fun, happiness and blessings!

2011

Moving On

We moved into this house in November 2009.  Around that time, a sweet 11 year old girl moved into a house across the street.  Andrea and Cassie clicked like I've never seen before.  Two girls who danced together, spent endless hours at one another's houses, one waited for the other to come home, shared clothes... you name it.  They were the greatest of girlfriends.  In June of 2010, Cassie's family decided to move back to their home in Ontario.  To my young 10 year old, that might as well have been across the world, not just across the country.  Andrea cried for a long time after that.  The girls have stayed in touch by phone (yes, we've paid more than enough in long distance charges) but it's not the same.

Last night, after a conversation on the phone with Cassie, Andrea fell into a funk.  She was gloomy and unhappy.  Around 10:00 she came to me crying about how much she misses her friend.  We had a long talk (why do these happen late at night?!) and I told Andrea that she needed to let go of the ultra-sad feelings she has about Cassie living so far away.  I reminded her of the friends she has close by and although they will never BE Cassie, they are still wonderful girls to have around.  I encouraged her to call other girls that she knows through our homeschooling lines and do what she can to play with them.  I reminded her that Cassie will always have a special place in her heart and no one can replace that special friendship they had.  I also had to encourage her that there ARE other kids who live much closer and can be super friends as well.

Thankfully, she went to bed happily thinking about her upcoming birthday and the plans she was creating to celebrate it.

Cassie & Andrea

Fun Monday

I took the kids on an impromptu trip to an outdoor pool today.  What a great way to spend the day!  We all came home sun-kissed and some of us a little pinker than others.  I remembered to put sunscreen on everyone except Joshua.  Poor guy has quite a sunburn.
One of the pool rules is that in order for the kids to play in the deep end and use the diving boards, they must swim a length of the pool without stopping.  This, is not Joshua's forte.  He tried {unsuccessfully} twice and I managed to encourage him to do it once more.  Thankfully, he did it and was able to have the freedom that his sister and cousins did.
Arianna was happy to keep a life jacket on which meant I could just follow Sarah around.  Arianna also surprised me by doing a flip off the diving board!  Wow, she's sure gotten braver over the years!

It was (at times) exhausting to keep an eye on Sarah.  She has no perception of danger or depth of water.  Also, with her balance issues, I had to ensure I held her hand at all times.  Thankfully, she was just as happy to spend lengths of time in her stroller eating snacks.  That gave me a few minutes here and there to watch the older ones and let my guard down a bit.

Overall though, it was a fantastic day!  When we got home, I somehow managed to send all three older kids to both sets of grandparents which meant I had the evening to myself!  Oh, sweet alone time!

New Gadget

On my blog now.  You now are able to receive my blog posts via email.  On the top right hand corner, you can see the link to add your email.  I don't have access to that information, the blog updates are simply sent to you automatically.  If you prefer, I can add you manually to receive them.

Release

I haven't blogged in a while lately and despite my wanting to write something... my mind came up blank.  I haven't *really* started school, we have no news about Sarah, and life in general just seems to be chugging along.  Last weekend, I attended our church service and shared these thoughts with Doug:

After months of stressing, worrying and crying about the concerns for Sarah, I finally released my struggle and gave it back to God.  It was at church one evening and I don't remember the speaker or even the message but I came to the realization that I can't and don't need to deal with this on my own.  That this is where God wants me to be and I am doing the best I can for my little girl.  I will {try} to wait patiently for the appointments and when those days come, do my best to lean on my Father to hold me up.  I imagine and expect many tears to fall yet.  I'm just one of those people.  I cry lots.  I suspect I'll also have angry days as well.  

Now, that being said, I still struggle a bit because I am still the parent and will have to help administer the tests... no one will take that difficulty away.  I will be the parent who watches her *baby* fall into a deep slumber to prepare for an MRI.   I will hold her bitty arm so that we can get the necessary blood work done.  I look forward to when all this stuff is done and we {hopefully} will get some answers.

Romans 5:3 reminds me that "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance." 

Wordless Wednesday

08.24.11

Today

Thankful Thursday (08.18.11)

• my husband of 14 years
• my four amazingly wonderful children
• God's forgiveness, mercy & love
• the fabulous volunteers who hang out with my kids at VBS
• my in-laws and their generosity (love their garden!)
• friends~ both local and across the US
• my health
• the tools that make my life just a bit simpler 
• life

School Pictures

As I enter a new year of homeschooling I had thought about how public schools all get photographers to come in and take pictures of the students.  Although my kids were in a hybrid program last year, and did get their photos taken, I {personally} thought I could do better.  And I did.  So this year, I am offering homeschool families the opportunity to get their kids' pictures taken.  I don't know if anything will come of it but I thought I'd throw it out there!

Jam Day

I spent the better part of yesterday at my mother in law's, making freezer jam.  We made five batches and each batch yielded seven jars of jam. 

 Picking through the fruit

 Off to get some more raspberries!

 Even Sarah got in on the action!

 The mixture sitting and waiting to be poured into jars.

Thirty-five jars of jam!  And 7 were left at my mother-in-laws.

 After four hours, Grandma and Sarah needed a rest!

A delightful spread on toast this morning!

So Crazy Hard

I received ANOTHER batch of forms to fill out this afternoon.  Ten pages of medical and developmental history for Sarah... this one for the Preschool Assessment Service.
My least favorite question is:

What are your main concerns about your child?  The answer that comes from my heart is "nothing... it's the doctor that wants the assessment."  I don't even know IF I'm concerned.  Yes, she's behind.  I understand, admit and accept that.  I don't know that it's a concern though.  No idea what to put in that blank. 


This all just makes me sad, angry and ready to cry.  I hate having to go through all this.

Wednesday Thoughts

• Although I haven't had as many sad days as I did at the end of July, I still have moments.  They are unpredictable and can show up at any time.  The last meltdown was at a wedding.  No reason... just a moment of tears.
• I was discouraged the other day.  Sarah had a wonderful year from age 2-3... no tantrums, screaming, nothing.  Now as she is past her third birthday, she's just busier, mischievious and looks for trouble.  This is sad for me since these are behaviors that most parents see at 18-24 months.  Maybe just confirmation that she is as delayed as we're told. 
• I have moments where I wonder if she's regressing.  I hate to be such a downer but it's what I see.  Maybe I'm wrong and I'm imagining things.
• Today we started school.  It was time to have a bit of routine back in our day and I was tired of the kids hanging around.  It went reasonably well.  For day one.  I am really looking forward to schooling them this year.
• I am marvelling at the independence of my older three kids.  Today, Joshua biked to the church on his own for a weekly program they have.  Andrea and Arianna went to a park today by themselves that mean they had to cross a busy (light controlled) street.  I know I could have gone with them but I was tired and I knew they would be delighted to be on their own.  
• I love the warm summer days we've been having.  I'm dreading putting jeans, sweaters and coats back on...

That's all for now...

Wordless Wednesday

Opthamologist Appointment

I was up early this morning.  I had every intention of hopping on the treadmill before breakfast but the tightness in my chest from the cold I've been fighting was just too much for me.  Instead, I went downstairs to enjoy a cup of coffee and some kid-free time.

Overall, the appointment went well.  Sarah was (for the most part) cheerful and cooperative.  Both the opthamologist and the intern were really good with kids and didn't force anything on Sarah.

When all was said and done, he determined that her eyelids are "hooded".  That just means her eyelids are more prominent than average.  The initial concern was that this hooding could be preventing her from seeing to her full potential.  This is not the case.  Her optic nerves are smaller than normal but most of her body is.  *smile*  We left with the knowledge that she doesn't need surgery or glasses and that her vision is not the cause of her balance issues. 

This is both good and bad.  I'm glad she doesn't need anything to correct her vision but that means there's still something else going on.  Now we continue to wait...

Goldfish Crackers

I had recently seen a link for homemade goldfish crackers.  You know those crazy addictive cheese flavored crackers?  So good!  Anyhow, I thought to myself, "I'm creative and like to try new things, let's give them a try."  I used the recipe from FOODBUZZ and set out to make them.  Let me first say, the best part about this is that you very likely have the five ingredients in your house right now.  So here's the recipe:

1 cup Flour
4 Tbsp Butter, room temperature
8 ounces Sharp Cheddar Cheese, grated
3/4 tsp Salt
2 Tbsp cold water

1. Pulse everything together in the food processor until it resembles coarse sand.
2. Pulse in water, 1 tablespoon at a time.
3. Remove, wrap in plastic, and chill for 20 minute.
4. Roll out dough, and cut into desired shape. You can use a toothpick to make the eyes and smile if desired.  Place on lined cookie sheet.  Bake at 350 degrees for about 15 minutes, or until crispy.

Now I'm sure you're wondering how I made those fish shapes... I saw the instructions for this on Miss. Anthropist's Kitchen.  All you need is a pair of sharp scissors, some tape or stapler and a pop can.  Here's the instructions for that:

1. Draw outline of goldfish on a piece of paper for reference. (Mine was about an inch in length)
2. Take an empty soda can and cut through it horizontally using a sharp knife.
3. Using your scissors, cut a strip of metal from the soda can (it should be the circumference of the soda can).
4. Straighten edges with scissors
5. Using your goldfish paper template, determine how big the head will be and fold both sides outwards accordingly. Don’t fold too harshly or the strip will break. If this happens, just cut off another strip and start again.
6. Using your template, determine when to fold the tail. Make sure the end of the tail overlaps at some point, and cut off the excess strip if necessary.
7. Staple or tape or glue the ends of the tail together. (I used tape over the tail).
8. For more safety, you may put a protective layer of tape over the top part of the fish (the non-cookie cutting side where you’ll be applying the pressure) as a protection against the metal when cutting. 

My tips:

* I'd add a touch more salt.  I just like salty foods.  I'd also probably add a touch of garlic or onion salt for a bit more flavor.

* Make sure the dough is rolled out quite thin, otherwise you have very thick crackers

* I didn't store them air tight because I didn't want them soft.