Welcome to 2015

A new year is now upon us and our family sure ended 2014 in a great way. I have no idea how to condense a super fun week into a blog post but I'll try.

On December 25, our friends from Birmingham, Alabama flew up to see us for a week. Our time was spent introducing them to our family and friends as well as all the wonderful things that a snowy province has in store. On the 26th, we went sledding at a friend's acreage and they were amazed that they were walking on a frozen lake. The kids spent a lot of time with Arianna in the various yards enjoying the cold, the snow and the activities that we do here. 

The girls after church

One of our excursions included a trip to West Edmonton Mall which at 5.3 million square feet, the Mall is the size of a small city and is accredited as a zoo.
West Edmonton Mall is home to more than 800 stores and services including nine world-class attractions, two hotels, over 100 dining venues, the widest variety of one-of-a-kind retailers, and entertainment for all ages. It also holds the record for the world's largest indoor amusement park and wave pool. The waterpark was the main event of our day in addition to tackling some shopping during the busiest week of the year. We hung out there for a few hours and yet barely scratched the surface of what we could see.  I found out that it would take nearly 72 hours to check out every single store in the mall. This was also the evening that us adults took the time to have a childless dinner at one of mine and Doug's favorite food places. 

 James. Loved. Joshua.

The next day we loaded up into a 15 passenger van and headed for Jasper, home of our Rocky Mountains.  The day was clear and we were treated to a spectacular view of the snow covered caps of these magnificent rocks. We walked around the town of Jasper for a while, ensuring that our souther guests had a true experience of walking around in the cold. With a bone chilling wind to boot. Our hotel for the evening faced Pyramid Lake and was a spectacular view to wake up to. Doug was a wonderful tour guide as he took us down the Icefield Parkway with our main destination being the Columbian Icefield. The mountains did not disappoint us as Scott and Lelia experienced the greatness of walking on a mountain while seeing a glacier in the distance. 

 This lake was unbelievably beautiful - pictures don't do it justice

 Waterfalls freeze too

 This was the lake off our hotel

 Just about on top of the world!

 The Athabasca Falls

 The Columbian Icefield. It was getting cold and windy!

 Tourists? I think so! :)

One final group shot as we prepared to say good-bye.

Their flight was to take off at 6:00 on New Year's morning so our final evening was spent gathering up their belongings, doing a final load of laundry and helping pack their stuff. This was our fourth time since 2007 that we've gotten together and each time has been a lot of fun. We've made a lifetime of memories and I can't wait until we meet again!

Three Years Ago

It was on this day in 2011 when Doug and I sat in the pediatrician's office waiting to hear the results of Sarah's most recent MRI which had been a couple weeks earlier. I can remember entering the room and expecting or hoping that we'd be told that the tests showed nothing abnormal. I can also recall the shocked and slightly stunned feeling when he delivered the news to us.

This is what I wrote three years ago:

"Medically speaking, Sarah's "corpus callosum" is slightly thinned.  This means that the connection between the two halves of the brain is not as thick as it should be, therefore causing the delays. In Doug's not so medical terms, he confirmed that Sarah's brain is simply wired differently.  Not wrong or bad, just different. They also found that there is "periventricular white matter" , consistent with "periventricular gliosis", which is likely the cause of her balance issues. All these findings are likely caused by a lack of oxygen to Sarah's brain while I was pregnant with her.  The doctor told us that his diagnosis for Sarah is a mild form of Cerebral Palsy."  

Cerebral palsy (CP) is a disorder that affects muscle tone, movement, and motor skills (the ability to move in a coordinated and purposeful way). Cerebral palsy can also lead to other health issues, including vision, hearing, and speech problems, and learning disabilities.

CP is usually caused by brain damage that occurs before or during a child's birth, or during the first 3 to 5 years of a child's life. There is no cure for CP, but treatment, therapy, and special equipment can help a child who is living with the condition.  Cerebral palsy affects muscle control and coordination, so even simple movements like standing still are difficult. Other vital functions that also involve motor skills and muscles such as breathing, bladder and bowel control, eating, and learning may also be affected when a child has CP. Cerebral palsy does not get worse over time.

(Information taken from this SITE)

So, back to present day. Where are we now and what have we learned? Over time, the shock wore off. I was reminded by family and friends that the label doesn't change who Sarah is, nor does it define her. We went through two and a half years in the Early Intervention Program until Sarah turned five. They were memorable times and I learned a lot about how Sarah was and is developing. 

Sarah experiences most of the symptoms that CP displays. Her learning is slower than others which is also due to the severe microcephaly, but that's another post in itself. She has a very unbalanced diet which is high in carbohydrates and low in meats and veggies. It's not for a lack of effort on my part that's for sure. Her muscle tone, movements and motor skills are also compromised because of the cerebral palsy. 

I am thankful that she knows no different though. What Sarah lacks in many skills, she excels in others. She can love in ways that even I can't comprehend. She is loveable, charming and a delight to be around. Her laugh is contagious and she knows how to make anyone smile. She loves going to church and the people there have become like her second family. She is so eager to play outside with her friend Mr. Bruce and she even brought her snow clothes to church on Sunday so he could take her out. She loves people deeply and many of them have a special place in her heart.

As for me, there are occasionally moments and even days where I find myself hurting inside again. It's tough to know that she likely will not ever meet her peers' developmental level and always be behind. In fact, that gap will continue to get larger as time goes on. Watching her alongside other kids her age or even younger is hard at times. 

But, I am so thankful for the encouragement of friends and the love and support they provide. It's been quite the journey so far and I look forward to seeing where we continue to go.

To My Older Three Kids

Dear Children of Mine,

I don't know if you will read this today, tomorrow or ever but I wanted to share some thoughts with you about Sarah.

~ I want you to know that even though I'm the mom, I understand what it's like to have someone in our family who has different needs than you. When others look at Sarah because she doesn't answer them. Or when they ask "what's wrong with her?" and you don't know the answer. Because to you and to me, she is just Sarah and we know no different.

~ I know it hurts to have someone laugh at Sarah when she does things differently. And I think it's okay to feel a little embarrassed once in a while. My heart hurts for you when that happens and I pray for God's peace to surround you in those moments.

~ I understand that it's hard to explain that although she's six and a half years old, Sarah behaves and speaks like she's only three. Yeah, that's tough too.

~ I also want you to know how much I appreciate you and your unconditional love for her. She's pretty lucky to be the youngest of four siblings and have you all wrapped around her little fingers.

~ She adores you three. You are the light in her day, the rescuers, the huggers, the cuddlers, the ones she looks up to. I don't think we will ever tire of her asking for a "hug-uppy" and feel her tiny arms wrap around our neck in complete love.

~ There is something wonderful about having a little sister who is staying smaller just a little bit longer than others. It makes it easier to pull her into our laps for those "cungles" that she lives for.

 Throwback to fall 2010

To Joshua: You are the big brother. Her knight in shining armour. She looks to you to wrestle, climb over and play with. And at the same time, snuggle under a blanket watching a movie. Cherish those moments with her.

To Andrea: Sarah's elation when you walk in the door from work is something that delights me and fills my heart with joy. The way she exclaims "You came back!" as though you'd been gone for days. You are her hero. Enjoy those sweet moments when she wakes you up and wants to climb into your bed for a snuggle.

To Arianna: You are the one that she needs at night. She waits sleepily for you to come to bed and then snuggle with her, giving her the feeling of security into the night. She looks for you when you aren't here and is so happy when you're around. I love watching your relationship with her grow. I know it's tough at times because she can't play with you the way you'd like a little sister to, but I can't tell you how much I appreciate when you play with her and her toys. I know how special you are to her.

Thank you three for being the best brother and sisters that Sarah could ask for. She is so incredibly blessed to have you all to love her for who she is. Joshua, Andrea and Arianna, you are each so amazing and I love you very much.

Fall 2014

Sensory Bins

The other day I came to the re-realization that there are very few supports for Sarah and myself since I chose to homeschool her as a special needs student. I began to do some looking online at something called "sensory bins" which is a bin that is filled with pretty much anything the imagination can conjure.

So... I bought an e-book that talks about what to use as the base:

1. rice (colored or not)
2. pasta (cooked or dry)
3. popcorn kernels
4. oats
5. flour
6. cloud dough
7. dried beans
8. shredded paper or Easter basket hay
9. water
10. sand
11. dirt
12. flour
13. cereal
14. marbles
15. water beads
16. cotton balls
17. shaving cream

Really, the list is endless... My first bin that I created was with rice. Dyed red. This rice bin kept Sarah occupied for 4.5 hours! Once the base is determined, you can add whatever you'd like to engage their minds. A lot of the ones you'll find online are very thematic and I may go that way later but for now, I'm doing Sarah's purely for the play value.

Then I found a recipe for cloud dough which is 1/4 cup of vegetable (or baby) oil and 2 cups of flour. I didn't have an oil based food dye so mine didn't color. But that's on my shopping list! :) 

Even Arianna got in on the fun!

Then I began to dye popcorn!

And chickpeas!!

It's only been two days but so far it's kept her busy for hours! I can't wait to use these super colorful items and expand on Sarah's play time! 

(ALL methods of coloring were found online, none of them were my own idea)

Depression Part 4 (My Point of View)

Doug's medications had been working quite well together for a while now, but over a coffee a few weeks ago, we talked about how the meds keep him from reaching the lows that occurred but also prevent him from experiencing high emotions as well. There were also an increasing number of inconsistent days where dips would appear. So, he checked in with his doctor who increased the dosage of one medication... but Doug quickly  proved to be in the 1-2% of people who suffer from adverse side effects and went downhill. He felt a buzzing or tingling inside his head and became more down than he had before. He couldn't stay at work for a full day, lasting no longer than 1:00pm before leaving for the day.

It was an extremely rough couple of weeks for us.

Last Wednesday, Doug texted me about how he was doing (not good) and I felt like I reached a point where I did not know what to do anymore. I have been praying for and about this for months and that day, I told God "I don't know what to say anymore- I feel done." And my heart broke just a little more for my husband who was struggling emotionally even more than me. On Friday, he went back to the doctor because clearly, this path was not working for any of us. He was given another medication and was told it only takes 2-4 days to begin working and that we should notice a difference quite soon. Because the other medication was still in his system, the weekend was pretty bumpy. We kept busy by painting the interior of our main floor but Doug's energy and focus really suffered. It was finally yesterday that I began to see a change in him. (The first being that he spent the whole day at work compared to the previous week of being unable to do that.) 

It is hard to put into words of how it felt to know your husband is suffering with extremely sad emotions, tiredness and has a very dull outlook on life. I wanted to be so careful of how I reacted to him, cautious of what I'd say and ensure that the house stayed at a fairly calm level of activity. He was supposed to be my strength and rock - but that was not the case this time. I was continually pulled to Psalm 62:2, 5-8 which reads:

2 He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.

5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. 

6 He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. 

7 My salvation and my honour depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. 

8 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. 

God is my refuge. God is my rock. God is my strength. And in Him, I find hope. 

Romans 5:3-5 says: 3 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. "

These verses say that Christians are expected to experience suffering and the response to suffering is to rejoice. How do we do that? By knowing that my faith enables me to know that suffering is productive. 

What does suffering produce? Perseverance. A steadiness to hang in there and not falter under pressure. Perseverance produces a character that says "I will not let this destroy me" and I will have the strength to get through it. And character produces hope. Hope that I will share the Glory of God. Christ's image is being produced in me and I am becoming more like Jesus who emulates compassion, love, strength, purity and patience. 

God knows what I need - the commitment to hold on when I want to let go, the qualities I need for tomorrows and the certainty of God's promises. He is faithful time and time again. Through all the hills and valleys of this journey of life on earth. He shows me mercy and grace and His love is unfailing. 

Photo by Stephanie

Pediatrician Appointment {09.18.14}

For the first time (ever?) Sarah did not cry at the doctor's appointment. She wasn't exactly cheerful but she wasn't in her typical meltdown mood. It was just a quick weigh in and measure up check so we were in and out within 15 minutes.

She's doing just fine and the pediatrician said I'm doing "too good of a job of caring for her." And with that, he said we didn't have to come back for SIX months unless I had any concerns and we can come in at any time.

She is 43 inches tall (6th percentile), 37 pounds (4th percentile) and her head is 46 centimeters (-3.5 units below Standard Deviation). This measurement has not changed since last December.

Last Sunday, I got a little pony tail in her hair for church! She didn't love it but tolerated it. 

I thought she looked SO cute!

School: My Thoughts, Views and Our Story

~ Homeschooling isn't just about academics, it's a lifestyle. 

And it's what we've chosen for our kids. ~

When Joshua was five years old, I began exploring school options for him. A friend of ours had been homeschooling their son who was a year older than Joshua and really encouraged me to try it out. The thought of it was overwhelming and so we ended up sending him to kindergarten that fall. The year was rough on him. He was frequently bored and spent much time away from others because he'd be done sooner than the others and would become a distraction. The teacher was fresh out of college and this was her first year. I had no idea what to do either and having the mind-set of "finish what we began", he endured the 10 months of kindergarten. I knew I had to do something different for grade one so I did some research and the next year, he was registered for school at home. He flew through the grade one books that I bought and it quickly became clear that moving at his pace was the way to go.

In the meantime, Andrea was in the same kindergarten that Joshua was. Her time in the classroom was alright but she had her first taste of physical bullying at the young age of five. I wish I was bolder and braver then because I wouldn't have made her endure the year. Why nothing was done, I don't know. Even though that is in the past, some of those memories still rise up in her. She too began the homeschooling adventure when she was in grade one.

The year was pretty busy with a grade two, grade one and toddler hanging out but we did it. Lots of reading together, writing and staying on target with their Language Arts.

I have tried lots of different home education formats. From being 100% aligned with the curriculum guidelines to the opposite end of the spectrum, being traditional to a blended program where the kids went to school twice a week and I homeschooled the other three days. For three and a half years, the blended program worked really well. Arianna was in grade one, Andrea grade five and Joshua grade six. In February of 2011, Doug and I made the choice to take the kids out of the school system and begin full time homeschooling again.

Since 2011, the kids have stayed on target with their math and LA skills. For science we did units on astronomy and social looked at some government and Bible history. Last year was a little different as Joshua was preparing to transition into the local high school. He did aligned courses in math, LA and social and did very well. He didn't do the science course. Was he unprepared for what grade 10 had to offer? Probably. Will he succeed? Absolutely.

Andrea is currently in grade nine. She is doing an aligned math curriculum and her LA skills will come out as she writes essays and reports on the medieval history lessons that she's reading about. For science this year, both girls are doing Anatomy and Physiology together. Arianna is working on grade five level vocabulary, spelling, reading and writing and her social is learning about the geography of Canada. Andrea intends to continue and complete her education at home. I don't know what that looks like today... I'm not looking at next fall yet. I also know her character and work ethic and believe with all my heart that she will succeed in whatever she does. If she choses to change her mind, then that will be okay but for now, I'm sure that she will do her high school years in the dining room.

Homeschooling the kids was not a choice that Doug and I made lightly. We prayed about it often, and still do. Until we feel led otherwise, we believe that this is the best choice for our kids and our family.

Grade 10

In 2004, I sent my first born off to kindergarten.

For the past nine years I have been a vital part of Joshua's education through homeschooling. We endured the lows and rejoiced in the highs. It has been a wonderful experience to get him to this point in his life. Today, I dropped him off at the same high school that Doug and I attended 20 years ago. 

I hope and pray that the next three formative years go well for him. I've given him all the tools I could in order to succeed. 

Today I sent my first born off to grade 10!