Happy 4th Birthday

Dear Sarah,

How can it be that we celebrated your FOURTH birthday yesterday?  The years seem to have gone by so quickly... I wish I could pause time and hang on to these moments a little longer. 

Today was a very busy one compared to our normally quiet days.  We had all your friends and their siblings over for snacks and cake this morning.  You loved opening the presents and eating the top of your cupcake.  The rest of the afternoon was spent playing with all the new things you received.  After the pancake supper, Dad, you and I headed to the mall to buy your first Build a Bear.  Although the experience was a little overwhelming and you would have been happy to take them all home, we did help you narrow down your choice.

It took you a longer than normal time to fall asleep from all the fun of your day.  I think it was after 9:30 when you finally stopped chattering to us!  

Things that make you who you are:

1. Unconditional love.  For everyone.  Including people you don't know.

2. You have enthusiasm for everything.  

3. You still love to watch Curious George but Max & Ruby and Toopy & Binoo are also your favorites.  

4. If you had agreed, this would have been the first birthday to have a pony tail in your hair.  

5. Telling people "I missed you" wins your way into their heart every time.

6. Pajamas are your favorite outfit.  I wish I could find sleepers for you as you get older.

7. You love slap-stick humor. 

8. You are a tease.

9. You hand out hugs and kisses freely.

10. Whenever I suggest that I might go out, you eagerly jump and say "I wan' come!"  

11. You don't really care for the medial professionals yet.  To you, they are up to no good!

12. You love Grandma so much that often I take the back seat to her.

13. Frequently you remind me that "Aunty had a baby."  (just in case I forgot!)

14. All your siblings love the way you say their name.  I think we all kind of hope that it doesn't change.  "Ja-wa", "Ya-Ya", and "Na-Na-" are your biggest heroes.  

15. You love being outside.  Going for walks or bike rides are great fun for you.

16. Fruit Loops, bananas, cheese and Ritz crackers  are your favorite foods.  We are continuously trying to increase your palate.

17. Not all your words are very clear yet and I find I have to translate a lot for you.

18. Exactly one month ago, you started sleeping through the night.  

19. The words "quiet", "mellow" and "easy going" are the best way to describe your personality.

20. You love going to playgrounds.  It is so exciting for me to see how confident you are this year.

21. You still need a soother at night to help you sleep.  

22. Helping me is something you love to do. Grabbing an extra broom or pushing the vacuum around is great fun!

23. "Mine" is one of your favorite words as you clutch your prized possession (at that time) with such fervor.  

24. You've almost grasped the concept of pedaling your trike.  You don't quite have enough strength in your legs to keep it going for long though.

25. You love to tell us "watch dis" as you proudly show off a new (or old) skill.

26. Sweet Sarah, I love you.  You bring joy and happiness to my days.  You will always by my "little one" and I am so blessed to have you in my life.  I hope this year is full of fun, delights and surprises for you. You are my ray of Sunshine and I am so thankful for you!

 2008

 June 2009

 June 2010

June 2011

June 2012

(poor you, the sun was so bright!)

Happy 4th Birthday Sarah!  I love you lots!

Daybook {06.21.12}

June 21, 2012

FOR TODAY

Outside my window...the sun is just beginning to rise over the trees in the field.

I am thinking... that I am so glad I went out for a bike ride this morning.

I am thankful... for being able to workout.

In the kitchen... nothing.  It is still clean since no one is up yet except me.

I am wearing... workout clothes.  Capris, tank top and a baggy shirt that I long ago borrowed from my mother in law.

I am going... to desperately need a shower.  After my coffee.

I am reading... Cutting for Stone

I am hoping... that I'll have a better sleep tonight.

I am looking forward to... some crazy hot weather in Alabama.  We'll be there in just over one week!

I am learning... that I may not be able to be a runner.  I am almost ok with that.

Around the house... peace.  It's quiet and I'm the only one awake.

I am pondering... not much right now. 

One of my favorite things... birthdays.

A few plans for the rest of the week... a funeral today, Sarah's birthday tomorrow, a 60th birthday party for two of my favorite people on the weekend... a busy few days ahead!

A peek into my day...

~ August 4, 1928 to June 15, 2012~

Today we will celebrate the life of Bertha Wunsch (Doug's grandma).  A mother to 5, grandma to 12 (not including the married ins) and great-grandma to 16.  Although we will miss her here on earth, we take joy in knowing that we will one day see her again in Heaven. 

Daybook {06.15.12}

June 15, 2012

FOR TODAY

Outside my window... it looks cool and dreary.  No rain coming yet but it looks like it might.

I am thinking... about the prep I need to do for tomorrow as we celebrate Sarah's birthday.

I am thankful... for a good night's sleep.

In the kitchen... nothing.  It is still clean since no one is up yet except me.

I am wearing... jeans, a tee shirt and a new hoodie.  Up and ready to spend the morning with my mother in law.

I am creating... ways to make our yard look bigger.  Yesterday I took a saw to a few trees in our back yard...!  Very refreshing to be a little destructive like that!

I am going... to do day two of my walk/jog combo this afternoon.

I am reading... The Lost Girls.  I haven't actually started but it's next.

I am hoping... that I'll have everything ready for our vacation in a couple weeks.

I am looking forward to... some crazy hot weather in Alabama.  We'll be there in just over two weeks!

I am learning... that parenting teens is a very different job than parenting the younger years.

Around the house... again, the usual clutter but mostly Sarah's toys are scattered about.

I am pondering... not much right now. 

A favorite quote for today... "I thought we would "do school" this year; instead we "did life," and somehow school happened anyway."

One of my favorite things... listening to the kids get along well.

A few plans for the rest of the week... well the week is almost up but my weekend has a birthday party, church, my niece's dedication and Father's Day all to be done in two days!

A peek into my day...

Happy Friday!

Photo Challenge

The clouds that rolled in the other evening

The stacks of books beside my bed.

Fantasy

Christian fiction

War novels

A Bible

Devotionals

Romance

History

... a little bit of everything

Daybook {06.10.12}

FOR TODAY - June 10

Outside my window... it's windy and rainy.

I am thinking... how much I love Sundays.  Usually we have a meal with my in-laws and that is something I really look forward to. 

I am thankful... for the four children God has blessed Doug and I with.  They are amazing, smart and wonderful people who I love with all my heart.

In the kitchen... the dishwasher is running.

I am wearing... pajama pants and a big shirt of Doug's.  For some reason, it's comforting to wear his shirt... makes me feel close to him even if he's not.

I am creating... not much.  I don't feel very creative these days.

I am going... to spend Independence Day in the USA!!  I am SO excited!

I am reading... Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (still).  I don't feel like I have enough time in my days to read lately.

I am hoping... that the weather clears up soon.  I'm not a big fan of storms and such.

I am looking forward to... not cooking much today.  It's Sunday and that means Doug makes supper!  :)

I am learning... to ask "mountain or molehill" more often.  Is it worth the fight or should I just let it go?

Around the house... is the usual clutter. *sigh*

A  quote for today... "The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow" - Annie

One of my favorite things... a cup of hot, creamy coffee.

A few plans for the rest of the week... start my lists for our trip, ensure things are all in order, do a few coffee dates with friends...

Thanks Peggy

Photography Challenge Days 1-2

Day One - Self Portrait

Ok, so it has Doug in it too... that's ok, he's a part of who I am

Day Two - Favorite Shoes

Maybe not exactly my favorite but they are new and I'm excited to wear them!

Days 3-4 coming soon

Photography Challenge

I stumbled upon this by a fellow blogger, Beauty in Weakness and decided I'd join the challenge.  I'm obviously a few days behind so I'll try to catch up slowly!

Anyhow, I thought this would give me a reason to pull out my camera and use it more often!

Happy Friday!

Daybook {06.07.12}

Inspired to me by Peggy- The Simple Woman's Daybook

A June Kind of Daybook 

Outside my window...
... it is beautiful.  The sun is shining, the wind is blowing the trees and the birds are hopping around the wet lawn happily finding their breakfast.

I am thinking...
... what should I do with my day?  School seems to be coming to an end and I know the basement needs a huge clean up.

I am thankful...
... for my husband's new job.  He is so happy and satisfied and I like it when he's content.

In the kitchen...
... breakfast clutter and a floor that needs to be mopped.

 I am wearing...
... plaid pajamas.  It's still early and we are being lazy.

I am wondering...
... how much stuff I can set at the curb for the annual large item pick up tomorrow.

I am reading...
... Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by JK Rowling

... Have a New Teenager by Friday by Dr. Kevin Lehman

I am hoping...
... that the weather holds.  I don't like rainy days since it makes me feel all cooped up.

I am looking forward to...
... our trip to Alabama at the end of June.  I'm also looking forward to all the fun things I will do with my sister after she moves.  Even though the moving makes me sad.

I am learning...
... that I have the potential to be a runner.  I'd like to run a 5K race this fall.  I hope I can do it!

 Around the house...
... it kind of looks like a bomb went off.  It's a bit of a mess but we are at it today!

A peek into my day...
... the kids and I are cleaning.  Purging, selling, donating... whatever it takes to clean this place!

Happy Thursday!

No Need to Explain

Yesterday on a whim, I stopped doing school with the kids and decided to go swimming.  As I was dressing Sarah and putting a diaper on her, I could feel the disapproving looks from another mom.  I'm sure my sensitive heart was overreacting when she said to her little boy "Let's go potty" and then proclaimed praise that seemed loud enough for the entire change room to hear.  No my {almost} four year old isn't isn't potty trained and I although I know why, I can't change it.  Even though I don't owe anyone an explanation, it's just tough to see the questioning looks from others. 

*sigh*

A Bit of a Hodge Podge

When I originally sat down to write this, I was in a gloomy kind of mood. My day didn't go as {I} planned and I've had a lot on my mind lately. I've been adding to this every few days and it's been sitting in my drafts folder for a few weeks now. I daily re-read it, change or add something and then step away.

Admittedly, much of what I've been thinking about has been courtesy of other bloggers and writers. I love when I read something that speaks so close to my heart and then I wish I had the wisdom to say it first. So, the first thing I will write about is from someone else and how they have spoken to me through their own blogs and will credit them as necessary. Other parts of this post are just a compilation of things that are going on around here.

Number 1:

Make each moment count. You can not know what tomorrow will bring and so it's important that we live for this moment. The one we are in now. The laughter of our children, the family meals, the bike rides, the ice cream runs, park days, picnics. Allow for spontaneity in your day... it's good for the heart. I also need to say “yes” more often. I am doing better than I used to but there's always room for improvement. It has taken me a long time but motto is “mountain or molehill”? Is the issue that I am dealing with serious enough to get worked up about and deal with at a higher level or is it something that I can just say “it's alright” and not look back. 

My sweet friend Carlene posted the following challenge in her blog a few days ago. I have accepted her challenge and I pass it on to you and hope you'll do the same.

Give the gift of time. Time is extremely precious to each of us. There is only so much of it in a day and our day is full before we even start. For many people it is often easier to give money than time. Set aside time for those you care about. Be deliberate about it. Pencil it in.

Give the gift of words. It is so rare that we tell someone why we appreciate them. We sign a card with our name but neglect to write in our own hand a few lines about why that person is important to us. We say "I love you" but forget to tell that person what it is about them that we love. Write it down. The words are precious and one day may be even more so.

Give the gift of presence. Sometimes all another person needs is for you to be there. Not to say anything, just be present. Human contact and connection. Relationship and link.

Take the time, be deliberate. All you have is today...and you never get it back.

Number 2:

For quite a while now, we've been talking about taking a second trip down to Alabama. Four years ago, I promised myself that if we ever went again, it would be on a plane. Somehow, my family has managed to convince me that we should drive there. That means 36-40 hours in the motor home with all of us. Last time, it wasn't too bad but now all the kids are bigger, plus we have one more. Doug's employer has approved his vacation time and we are going to be leaving in four weeks! Now you may ask “why Alabama?” That's a fair question indeed. Why would we want to drive to {practically} the south easternmost corner of the US? For many years now (maybe 8?), I've been part of an online group of moms. I am the only one in Canada though. Through forum posts, emails, texts, and Facebook, a much deeper level of friendship has been created with these women. So somehow in 2004, I got it in my head that I wanted to meet a few of these people. And Alabama seemed like a good place to start. I met five of these ladies down south and then a couple more in Ohio on our way home. It's interesting how we didn't have to ever meet face to face prior to our trip and yet it was as if we lived next door, not thousands of miles apart. It was a trip of a lifetime and the kids still talk about all the things we did. We are beginning to get excited about this “second chance” trip and I can't wait to see my long distance friends again!

Number 3:

Sarah has slept through the night for 12 consecutive nights now. After three years and 11 months, she has finally figured it out. I've always been quick to respond to my kids when they cry and CIO methods have never really worked for me. I'm sure there are some who disagree with how I did things and that I should have forced the issue earlier on. This way though, there was no fight. We never had to listen to her cry at her door and her trust in us never wavered. If she cried (for whatever reason), someone came to help her. Usually that meant spending the rest of the night between us and, for the time, it worked. And now, she's sleeping completely through and it's working as well.

Number 4:

Our school year is slowly winding down. It is hard to keep the kids inside when the sun is up so early and the days are long and warm. We are spending a lot of time with friends, biking around, visiting parks and doing stuff together. I am really proud of my kids and if I had to give them marks for their work, they would all be straight A students! I do have a few new ideas up my sleeve for next fall but we'll let that rest and think about it in a few months.

Number 5:

I have a dream to be a runner.  Not necessarily to race but to have the endurance to run/jog a full 5 km.  From my house, I have mapped out a half way point of 2.5 km (5 km round trip) and that seems like a long ways yet.   Maybe now that I've put it out there, I'll be held accountable... hmmm.  And I suppose there's no time like the present.  So maybe this morning, I'll strap Sarah into the stroller, grab the other kids and head out.  

There's a Teenager in the House

And he's all mine!  I can clearly remember the day that Joshua was born and I {finally} became a mom.  I've always loved babies and would seek out the littlest one in a crowd.  And now I had my own baby.  I didn't share him well in the first few weeks.  I was convinced he needed me and only me to hold him, love him and dote on him.

Joshua, you have always found the fun in anything.  You have such a pleasant, easy going demeanor and even when things upset you, you quickly get over it and move on.  You have been like that since day one.  You were an easy baby and usually so happy.

Oh how quickly the years have gone by.  You have grown up into such a strong young man.  In honor of this, your first teenage year, I have written down some of the things that make you so uniquely you:

1. You are no longer a morning person.  If I let you, a 10:00 wake up would be the norm.

2. You love Lego.  I appreciate how you build the sets and then use the sets to play with and enjoy.

3. Despite your easy going manner, you have quite a temper. 

4. Since Sarah was born, I have seen a gentle caring side of you.  It's a side that {I think} you save just for her... She has a special place in your heart.

5. You eagerly wait for the snow to melt each spring so you can spend the next six months on your bike.  You'll ride with anyone who is willing and you put many miles on those wheels. 

6. Despite the fact that you are getting bigger, your physical affection towards me hasn't wavered.  You hug me frequently during the day, you love to cuddle in beside me on the couch and even just the other night, you sat on my lap.  You are such a sweet boy!

7. School is not your favorite past time but then again, I don't know how many 13 year olds love it either.  You do like to be at home for school though and we had a great moment of celebrating as you finished your grade 7 math year in April!  

8. I'm still working with you on expanding your taste buds.  A diet that consisted of various cold cereals, pizza, burgers, hotdogs and peanut butter sandwiches would suit you just fine.  Although you like various forms of chicken and beef, most cooked veggies and all seafood is a big no-no for you.  *sigh*

9. Some days are harder than others to live in a house with three sisters.  There's a lot of pink, ponytails, makeup and estrogen in this home and sometimes it drives you crazy!

10. You don't have a huge number of friends but rather a few really close buddies.  You spend time at least once a week with Bryce building with Lego, creating battles and new worlds, biking around and just hanging out.

11. Because of #9, you like to go out with your dad at every chance you can.  Whether it's to the store, Grandpa's shop or just *out*, you'll drop everything to be with him.  

12. You don't like being home alone.  You'd much rather everyone stayed home or everyone goes out together.  You much prefer it when your dad or I are home with you.

13. You are growing and changing at such a fast rate right now.  I can hear your voice get more gravelly, your shoulders are broadening and I love to tease you about the soft little whiskers that are starting to sprout up on your lip.  I pray that this year is one of even more spiritual growth and becoming closer to Jesus.  I pray that you will make decisions that you are proud of and do things that you know are right.  

Have a great day and an even greater year being 13!  I love you so much!

Insecure Days

That is how Sarah has been all week long.  She's clingy, whiny, needy and not sleeping well.  Her remedy: to cry at my legs and hang out beside me at every waking moment.  She's behind me everywhere I turn, she follows me like a little lost puppy and has this insatiable desire to be with me and no one else will do.  I'll admit, it's been exhausting to try and satisfy her need for me in addition to schooling the kids, doing housework and staying on top of the laundry.  I had really noticed those little things pile up the past few days and honestly began to wonder if I would ever catch up.  I was soon reminded of a little quote that has a stanza that says:

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

Well, my laundry is {mostly} caught up.  The house is {mainly] tidy.   There is food in the fridge.  We have a roof over our heads.  And for now, I will snuggle a needy, sleeper clad toddler.  

Arianna at 8

May 4, 2004

May 2005

May 4, 2006

May 4, 2007

May 4, 2008

 May 2009

 May 2010

 May 2011

May 4, 2012

Arianna... what can say?  I can't believe you are already eight years old.  What a beautiful, smart and charming young lady you are becoming.  I'm sure I could come up with more but here are EIGHT birthday quick-takes for you!

1. You are my morning  buddy.  I can always count on you to share my early mornings as you cuddle in the crook of my arm while I drink my coffee and you tell me your dreams.  I love the one on one time that we share each morning.

2. Despite you growing up before my very eyes, you are such a *little* girl yet.  You love to play with dolls and Barbies.  Games that involve competition don't interest you at all.

3. You are very good at playing on your own.  You like to be with people but after a while you like to retreat and do something by yourself.

4. Sarah adores you.  She loves that you will play with her and help her do things.

5. You have a soft tender heart.  God has made you to be a considerate person who often thinks of others and their feelings before your own.

6. It may sound silly but you are the best sleeper out of all the kids.  Seldom do you come out of bed once you've been tucked in and you generally fall asleep very fast.  Since we moved your bedroom upstairs, your bad dreams have disappeared... that was a good change for you!  

7. You are becoming more and more helpful around the house.  You are {usually} enjoying the extra tasks that I ask of you, especially when it's something that the bigger kids do.  You like to be responsible for your sister and do a very good job of caring for her!

8.  You have such an easy going spirit.  You go with the flow and don't get too riled up about much.  You do have a temper though and if something rubs you the wrong way, it can flare up.  Quite often you make me laugh... you are so cute!  I love how "in the middle" you are.  Much of you wants to be a big girl and yet you are still just my little one. 

I love you so much my sweet, soft hearted daughter.  I hope this year is full of joy and fun for you!

400th Post

I knew this post number was coming up and I've been thinking about what I should write about on this big number.  As it turns out, today is the day that Doug asked me "out" 18 years ago.  It's kind of silly but I've been waiting for this day because it means that I have known my husband for half my life!  What a journey this has been.  We've seen many weddings and {too} many funerals.  We are raising four wonderful children.  We've mourned the loss of three miscarriages.  We've laughed, we've cried.  We share our dreams and secrets with each other.

We've journeyed over the hills and through the valleys of life.  For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.  I am so thankful that I get to travel this journey of life with him.

He treats me like his queen and makes me feel like I am the most important person to him.  He is my friend and I am so thankful that I married him; the one I dream with, laugh with, love.

There is no one I'd rather go down these hills and valleys of life with and I am so blessed. 

Waking Up Early

is so worth it at this time of year.  The sun was just coming up and it was getting bright out.  I didn't even have to turn any lights on in the kitchen.  I love springtime!

No Words

"Sleeping Beauty"

Appointment today... April 5, 2012

This past week, our temperatures were between 5 & 8 degrees.  The kids were out biking and I began to think about moving from my treadmill walking to walking outside.  Then there was word that a spring storm was blowing in and this is what I woke up to:

Oh my... what a mess!!  I was so thankful that Doug was able to drive Sarah and I to her appointment in the city.  We arrived with plenty of time to spare but I'd rather wait for a few extra minutes than worry about being late.  We saw a doctor who is called a PHYSIATRIST.  Yes, I spelled that correctly.  

A physiatrist is a specialist, who provides patient-centred care to individuals with any temporary or permanent loss of function. The ultimate goal of the integrated care offered is to restore or maximize functional ability and improve quality of life. There are a wide range of patients that a Physiatrist might care for. Any person with injury, illness or pain affecting the musculoskeletal, neurological or cardiorespiratory function could benefit from the expertise of a Physiatrist. 

So what did we learn today?

• Sarah has the most mild form of Cerebral Palsy.  We knew that though from the research I've done and she doesn't display the most common symptoms such as spastic movements, seizures or the inability to walk.
• Her Global Developmental Delay (GDD) is the biggest concern for her.  It is these delays that we will have to find specialized care and therapies for.  
• Her head size is average for a one year old infant and her development is between 2 & 2.5 years.  When we think of her milestones, we almost have to think of it according to her corrected age.  
• She has no reflexes.  Kind of odd but after checking me, I don't have reflexes either.  Go figure.  After a test that shot electrical shocks down our legs, it was determined that Sarah (and I) have good muscle tone and our nerves are ok.  Oh... after checking the other kids out, they don't have reflexes either. 
• The doctor did not recommend the infamous P.A.S. clinic to us at this time.  He says they specialize in children with autism and he doesn't see any signs of that with Sarah.

Wendy came along to this appointment and once again, I was so thankful for her.  She remembers things that I have forgotten and is able to provide insight and ideas that I don't think of. 

So I don't think I had any questions answered necessarily but then again, I don't really know what my questions are.  The appointment was helpful in providing us with more information and just more to think about.

One Year Ago and Today

One year ago...

It was this day in 2011 when I faxed off our first request for a speech assessment for Sarah.  In some ways I can't believe it's been that long and in others, I feel like it's been the longest year of our lives.  We have faced so many ups and downs when it comes to all the things Sarah has been through.  I've lost count of how many doctor appointments, specialists, assessments, procedures and tests we've gone through.

What do we know now?  Sarah has been diagnosed with microcephaly, cerebral palsy, global development delays and now possibly sensory processing disorder.  That's quite a plateful for such a little girl!  I wish I could say I've had great amounts of faith this past year but that wouldn't be the truth.  It's come in waves.  Some days were (and will continue to be) harder than others and it's those days that I need to remember my childhood rearing of trusting in Him.  I know better.  I was brought up that way.  Application of what you know is often harder than it seems though.  I keep trying and each day I learn something new.  My little pixie girl has taught me so much about life and unconditional love and she is no different today with a diagnosis than she was a year ago without one.  She is charming and sweet.  Each day she tackles a new challenge and is learning so much.

Today...

This evening our church was blessed to have the Watoto African Children's Choir perform for us.  Such amazing stories of children's lives that have been changed.  Their faith is one that I'd like to have!  We attended this concert as a family and made sure we'd be there early for a good seat.  Sarah was loving the 30 minutes beforehand.  She ate her snacks, toddled from me over the aisle to her Grandma and then back again.  Then the music started and she had a meltdown.  Her poor sensitive ears just could not handle the *noise* that she was hearing.  She clearly couldn't discern music and was so overstimulated, that Doug and I took turns with her out in the foyer.  When Doug brought her back for the final few minutes, Sarah's head was on my left shoulder and my left hand was covering her ear.  Her right side was pressed firmly against my cheek in her attempt to block out the drumming.  As the momma bear in me was trying to fiercely protect my little cub, the tears began to fall.  I was hurting for her.  I was sorry I brought her in the sanctuary to begin with and wanted to do everything in my power to make her feel safe.  That's my job.  To protect her and ensure that she is comfortable where she is.

As I tucked her in to her bed this evening I just held her close and promised that I will go to the ends of the world to make sure she is taken care of... if not by me or her daddy, then by someone she trusts. 

Thank you for praying for us as we began this journey.  It is far from over but I think we've made great progress over this past year.

Seven Quick Takes (Vol. 3)

~1~

A lot of changes have occurred in our family.  Doug is currently looking for a new job and I keep remembering the verse from Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  There is a plan for us.  I can't wait to see what it looks like!

~2~

I think the kids and I have spring fever.  Despite a bunch of snow that fell late last week, the bikes are still out and they continue to be outside.  It would be so nice if the weather was a bit warmer to melt the last of the snow which would make it warmer.  In anticipation for the spring weather, I bought us a used bike trailer/stroller for Sarah.  I'm looking forward to getting back on my bike and getting outdoor exercise.

~3~

Sarah... she has been making such great strides in her speech.  So much so, that we are no longer in the "Play & Say" program at our local health unit.  This was a one on one session that allowed a speech pathologist to see where Sarah was at and to offer suggestions and ideas to me to help her improve.  One of her newest sounds that I'm so happy about is the "sn" sound.  She went from saying "sake" to "sNake".  I'll credit our trip to the museum for that.  She still loves play-doh and Curious George.  I recently bought her a few pairs of yoga/cotton pants so that she doesn't have to be in jeans all the time and my other wonderful find was onesie diaper shirts that fit her!  That means for her, she doesn't have to have the pants waist band rubbing on her skin which is something that she really doesn't like.  These changes will hopefully help with her Sensory Processing issues.

~4~

Each of my older kids are now in the next grade of math.  They are all so proud of themselves and I of them as well.  This is one {of the many} things that I just love about homeschooling.  There is no need for them to stay at the same level as everyone else.  On the flip side, when one of my kids needs some extra attention on an area, I am able to provide that to them without having a huge impact on the entire "class".

~5~

I was once asked in a Bible/book study, what did I think I was created to do with my life.  I firmly believe I was born to be wife and mom.  For as far back as I can remember, I played house or dolls.  I was always a little momma to an assortment of babies.  It wasn't long after we were married that Doug and I began our family and now with our amazing four kids, I feel like I'm living my life to the fullest.  I didn't always envision home education in my play but I also know that it is God's leading and His will for me to do this with our kids.  They make me so proud and I love seeing them grow up and become their own individual persons. 

~6~

I need to get my camera out more often.  I love seeing the world through a lens and I've been missing it lately.  I can't wait for the weather to improve a bit for some great outdoor pictures!

And that's it for today.  Only six takes this time.

Sensory Processing Disorder

So when this {unofficial} diagnosis was brought up last Friday, I began to think about how I process certain things, especially sounds.  I seldom listen to music in the house.  I don't like "background noise".  If our dishwasher is running, someone is playing a video on the computer and another is puttering on the piano, I quickly become overwhelmed and must make it all stop.  I don't care for large groups because I can't focus on one particular conversation; there's just too much happening for my brain to process it all.  I seldom listen to the radio in the van, especially if my kids want to talk to me.  I usually drive in the quiet or, have music on from my iPhone.  I think it's the extra talking {from the radio} that gets me agitated.  My sister and I agreed that our mom was that way as well.  If we began to talk in the car, she would quickly turn the volume of the radio down.

I was talking with my sister about this the other day and we wondered if my struggle with auditory processing was the reason for my dislike for school and consequently, poor grades throughout.  It's unfortunate that there were not as many options back when I was in school as there are now for students.  I think Joshua may have a bit of it as well.  He works best in a quiet and clutter free environment.  Knowing that he has these struggles, I can ensure that his space is tidy and I try to control the amount of noise going on.

Just some interesting food for thought... maybe Sarah's not alone in this one...

Update on Sarah - 03/16/12

One week ago, we had a home visit from our EI Counselor.  We talked about new games, toys and ideas to help Sarah with her visual memory recognition skills.  This is one of the areas that she is the most behind in.  She has a hard time sorting, remembering and matching.  Puzzles come fairly easy as long as there is only 4-5 pieces but she can't sort things into color groups well. 

About 6-8 weeks ago, one of Sarah's friends gave her a monkey back pack.  It's not so much a back pack as one of those things with the leash attached for when you are at the mall and you want to keep track of your child.  We haven't use it as that, but Sarah wears the back pack ALL. THE. TIME.  Wendy had noticed that and made a suggestion of the possibility that Sarah has Sensory Processing Disorder (or SPD).  Her thoughts were that the backpack was helping her feel organized and secure. 

My initial thought was of frustration at one more diagnosis.  One more thing to research.  One more thing to look at therapies for.  A feeling of deflation came over me.  Because I need to know absolutely everything I can about Sarah, I quickly Googled the term to find loads of information about SPD.  A lot of what I read appeared to be true in her case. 

The past couple weekends at church, I have kept Sarah with us rather than to her class.  I noticed that when the worship team began to play, she quickly needed to be held and would hold me quite tight with her head on my shoulder.  Another instance that I thought of, was at a birthday party that was held at an indoor type playground.  There were quite a few kids (mostly boys) who were running around and being very loud.  Nothing was wrong with that, they were just having preschool fun.  I saw that when the noise escalated, Sarah would wander to a climbing structure and either just sit on it or would just play alone.  It was as though she was retreating into herself to tune out the noise.  I also have seen that when the setting at Sunday School gets busy with a lot of kids running around and being loud, she tends to retreat and play alone.  I'm thankful that she is aware of how to deal with her over-stimulation by retreating rather than having a meltdown.

Other things I've noticed are her choices in food.  She has a very bland diet.  She eats a lot of grains, pastas, cereals and breads.  She loves apples, bananas, grapes and pears.  She also likes cheese, *pink* milk and peanut butter.  She can't eat meat, vegetables or other strong flavored foods. 

The third sense that I've noticed is ultra sensitive is her sense of touch.  She would love to wear fleece sleepers all day if I allowed.  She doesn't care for jeans or anything with a snugger waist.  I am beginning to wonder if her wanting to sleep with us is to satisfy that desire to be touched in addition to being a habit. 

Her eyes are very small and very sensitive to sunlight as well.   We are actually going to see an ophthalmologist in April for a follow up.  The last appointment 6 months ago didn't show anything of serious concern so I'm not too worried about this upcoming visit.  I think I'll have to teach her to wear sunglasses outside this summer though. 

Now, she hasn't been officially diagnosed with SPD but I can see how it could be.  I was kind of down on the weekend as I continued to process this new information and potential {new} diagnosis.  My sister came over on Tuesday and we had a wonderful visit.  She encouraged me to keep doing what I am and to try not to let this get me down.  I am the best mom for Sarah and no one will love her more than her daddy and I do.  We will love, support and advocate for her as long as we need to. 

I am continuing to work at placing all of my concerns and fears into God's hands and let Him do His will.  Some days are easier than others but I'm trying. 

I hope you have a great weekend.  Make sure you spend time with those you love and give your children a great big hug.  They are all so special and need to feel important to you!

And The Outdoors Win

Today the kids did their school work in the morning and then slipped outside just before lunch.  When they came in to eat, I encouraged them to complete what they were asked to so they could go back out to play.  The sunshine was calling their names as it streamed in the windows over their math books.  Despite the calling of the fresh air, they did persevere and finished up very quickly.  I don't expect I'll see much of them again for a few hours!  They are building a fort with some wood that was laying around the garage.  I'm not totally sure what the finished product will look like.  Andrea has embraced the take-charge foreman position while Joshua and Arianna are her faithful sidekicks. 

Sarah is just puttering around with her tiny dolls and dancing in the dust *bubbles* that seem to be over abundant these days. 

I'm thinking I'll grab a few minutes with a coffee and enjoy the quiet that I am surrounded by.

Seven on Saturday

 

-1-

We don't like to be disappointed.  In the ideal world, we simply have everything go smoothly without any bumps in the road.  We are pushing our big US trip up to June.  Although the delay is a bit of a bummer, after hearing about the crazy tornado storms occurring in the south, I'm beginning to wonder if it is for the better that we wait until a few more months.  The tornado season will be over and the weather as a whole will be much warmer.  I'm convinced that's a good thing!

-2-

We are all {slowly} getting used to not having a little dog underfoot.  Even though I am positive it was the right move for Sadie, I still miss some things about her.  For one, the floor is much more crumby.  Sadie was picky about what she ate off the floor but I now notice how much she actually DID eat.  I don't miss the accidents but I do miss the fuzz-therapy {as Doug called it}.  We received a sympathy card in the mail this week and it was nice to know that the vet cared enough about us and the hard decision we made to do just that little act of kindness.  

-3-

Sarah has begun the stage of nightmares and night terrors.  Last night at about 1:00 in the morning (she was in bed with us), she woke up with a piercing scream.  Nothing like being jolted out of a deep sleep to the shrieks of your little girl and no way to settle her down.  It took a few minutes of crying off and on before she settled back into a deep sleep for the rest of the night.  Poor little girl of mine.

-4-

The kids and I are really enjoying something called Amish Friendship Bread.  You can read about it here if you'd like.  It begins with a Ziplock bag of a creamy mixture called *starter*.  For the next 10 days, this starter is mixed in the bag and has new ingredients added to it on days 5 & 10.  On day 10, the big bowl of batter is divided back into three new bags and the remaining batter becomes this delicious cinnamon loaf.  The idea is to give two of the bags to friends and use the 3rd bag to begin your own 10 day cycle again.  I've seen many variations for the final recipe and I keep tweaking it to make it just a little better. 

-5-

After a crazy mild winter, we received a huge dump of snow.  The week before we were in runners and light jackets, now we are back to boots and heavy coats.  Go figure.  I was really hoping the snow would stay away but it wasn't meant to be that way.  Wishful thinking I know... it's Alberta right?

-6-

I miss my craft room.  Yes, it's still there, full of paper, stamps, inks, embellishments and anything I need.  I just feel like my creative spirit is lacking and I don't know how to retrieve it.  Maybe I just need a day to spend time in it and then the creative mind set will return.  Perhaps that will be tomorrow's activity...

-7-

I'm glad it's the weekend.  The kids get to be with their friends, Doug and I spend most of the days together and there is just a sense of reconnecting after a long and busy week.  

 

Happy Day!!

When I was growing up, Christmas was a really BIG deal.  Music was always playing and the house always felt festive.  Two albums (LP records actually) that are most engrained in my memory are Boney M and a musical called Glory of Christmas.  They were probably two of my mom's favorites and somehow ended up being mine as well.  For YEARS now, I have looked for an updated way to listen to the Glory of Christmas.  No luck.  Not on iTunes or anywhere else unless I wanted to pay outrageous dollars for an original LP.  I, in fact wanted something a little more up to date than a record.  After MUCH internet searching, I managed to locate and contact the couple who wrote and published the original musical.  Oh. My. Goodness.  I was elated!!  After a couple email exchanges with Mr. Owens, I sent him some money via Paypal and just today I received a burned copy of the musical in CD form.  Today, on February 28, I am listening to Christmas music!  What wonderful and happy memories are filling me today!

Sadie - Part II

A dog's purpose in life is simple to live in the moment pleasing you.  They are there to do nothing more than love unconditionally.  They are faithful beyond measure and don't see any of the faults that us complex humans do.

As I had talked about in a previous post, our dog had become sick.  For nearly a year, she has been suffering from seizures.  To see a tiny 10 pound body shake and jerk around uncontrollably is heartbreaking.  The post-seizure times were just as hard as Sadie would look lost, stunned, had a temporary loss of vision and often relived herself on the floor.  As time went on, it was taking her longer to recover.  In addition to the seizures, Sadie was incontinent.  She was having accidents at least once, often more, in a day.  This was humiliating for her and frustrating for me.  In every attempt to help Sadie, we put her on anti-seizure medications, a surgery to try to help the incontinence and then hormone pills for the urinating.  It seemed that she was not going to be the textbook case where the medications work for 95% of dogs.  It baffled the vet as well.

Yesterday, I took Sadie to the vet again.  We talked for well over half an hour of what to do.  It sounded like she no longer though Sadie was epileptic which meant that the anti seizure medications would not work.  This is why she was still having 15 or more seizures a month, even though she was on meds for them.  The vet had suggested that Sadie possibly had a brain tumor which had a 30% chance of being discovered through a CT or MRI.  There was also the 70% that nothing would be found out.

At 5:10, I made the heartbreaking decision to end Sadie's pain.  (and the tears come again)  It was very painful to sign the release form... my hands shook terribly and my signature was hardly mine.  I will be forever grateful to my mom-in-law for driving me there, staying with me in the room and in the end, holding Sadie on my behalf.  I really couldn't do it.  So I sat in the car, cried and waited for it to be over.

.............
On November 11, 2007, my dad's dog Misty had a litter of puppies.  Being the dog lover that I am, we frequently visited their house, playing these pups.  There was one girl.  She was fiesty, spunky and let it be known that just because she was a girl, her brother were not about to push her around.

It didn't take long for this sweetheart to wiggle her way into our lives and become a member of our family. 

• She loved to chase her pink Kong.  In a book we read about her breed was that if you threw the toy 100 times, they would retrieve it 101.  She was extremely playful and *fetch* was her favorite game.
• She needed to lay on your left side.  Even if there wasn't really room on the chair, she would worm her furry little behind in and get comfy.  
• She was kennel trained and I have never regretted that.  She loved being in it to sleep and it was nice to know that she (and my house) were safe when we went out.
• Andrea was her favorite kid.  And Andrea adored her.  In the end, Andrea faithfully and without complaint cleaned up the messes.  She is a dog person and I can see her doing something with her love of dogs in the future.  
• Sadie wasn't fond of Sarah.  Perhaps Sarah's inability to be gentle (tight muscles due to CP) was intimidating.  Maybe it was Sarah's poor balance that made her to be unpredictable.  Whatever it was, despite Sarah doing her best to love Sadie, it was not a wonderful two-way relationship.
• Me?  I was the one who picked her out of the litter.  I did 95% of the housebreaking and training.  I did most of the vet appointments as well.  In addition to loving her as a dog, I was her "mom".  I did the mom things for her.  Feeding, shelter, medications, doctors, groomer appointments.  Her and I were usually the first awake in the mornings and she'd often finish my coffee if I left it where she could reach.
• She didn't like to eat much off the floor.  Nothing soft or mushy.  Except Kraft dinner.  And as of about 2 weeks ago, she suddenly liked bananas.  Go figure. 
• She was faithful to the end and I know how disappointed in herself she was after she had an accident.  
• She will be forever missed by us.

The vet told me that we had done more for Sadie than many people do.  Including a surgery right before Christmas.  We tried medications.  We tried diapers.  I feel like we tried it all.  She had a wonderful four years with us and we will continue to dwell on the happy memories she provided for us.

Trying Hard Not to Complain

Years ago after one of my miscarriages, I asked a good friend who was also a counselor and my mentor "why me?"  Her simple response: "Why not you?"  Again that question came to mind as I had just returned from the pediatrician and received a written report for Sarah with documentation on why we should be eligible for government funding.  (I'll get into that in a little while)

Over the past 10 months, we have been given a plethora of information, news and diagnosis for Sarah.  It's one thing to hear it, process and then move on but there's something so much more concrete when that information is written down.  As I write this, I realize, I'm not just writing to share this but also for my own personal reference.  I am scared that if I don't get it typed out, I'll forget little details that may have been important.

We saw the pediatrician on the 16th.  It was our usual quarterly visit and {as usual}, Sarah cried.  No, let me rephrase that... she screamed.  The most invasive thing he did to her was check her ears and yet you would have thought she was being tortured.  She weighed in a 28 pounds, she's 37 inches tall and her head circumference is 44 centimeters.  You can see in the picture below that her head is considerable below the "average" and this is why she has been diagnosed with severe microcephaly:

 

In order to receive the Child Disability Tax Credit, we needed to have a whole packet of forms filled out by both us and Sarah's doctor.  

The diagnosis on the report says:

- significant global developmental delay

- severe microcephaly

- sensory issues

- FTT (failure to thrive)

- poor balance

- hypoxic ischemic event (Hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy is characterized by clinical and laboratory evidence of  brain injury due to asphyxia or lack of oxygen) 

Effects of impairment:

Sarah is markedly restricted all of the time in her basic needs of walking, dressing, feeding, speaking and mental functions necessary for everyday life.  She is unable to speak as to be understood even by those familiar to her.  She requires an inordinate amount of time to dress and feed herself due to strength and dexterity in her upper limbs.  She is at significant risk of falling as a result of her poor balance and lack of coordination .  Sarah needs daily support due to and inability to accurately interpret her environment.   Her abilities related to self care, health and safety are of major concern.  She will need on going medical care and community supports such as PT, OT, and speech.  Sarah certainly should qualify for the CDTC. 

Well, there was no sugar coating on that was there?  I'll admit, lately I've been struggling with it all.  As Sarah and her peers get older, I can see the developmental gap growing.  Things that other 3.5 year olds are doing now, Sarah may not do for another 18 or more months.  I can see other kids starting to talk down to her as if they know she's "younger" than them and it makes my heart hurt.  I keep wondering how long is this grieving process going to last?  Although I have accepted it, will it ever not be something on the forefront of my mind or will it continue to be such a huge part of my thoughts?  There are just some days that I feel so empty and sad.  It is painful at times when I realize that she may never reach the same level as her peers. 

Now, all sadness aside, I have the happiest little girl in the world.  She has five of the most doting family members who adore her and are pretty much willing to satisfy her each and every whim.  She certainly has us all figured out.  When she curls her little body around me at night and I look at her long lashes fall on her sweet pixie face, I am reminded of how blessed I am to be her mom.  Her contagious giggle, love of monkeys and play doh, excitement over the smallest things, and complete adoration she has for me are just a few of the reasons that she is perfect in her own way.  

My prayer today is that He will help me to accept Sarah for everything she is, not for what she isn't.  Help me be strong at times when I feel weak and feel run down.  Let Sarah's constant joy radiate through her like a light of Jesus.  Help me to work with Sarah to help her reach HER full potential through play, friends and days filled with fun.  I will {try} not to compare her with others because it isn't fair to her.  She should only be compared with herself and what she has already accomplished.

Fabulous Friday

Once again I've found that a lot of time has gone since my last post.  The weeks have been really full since the new year and I find I don't have as much time to just sit and write.  (Funny, I don't consider myself a writer...) 

• School.  I really really like having my kids at home with me.  I firmly believe that this is how God wants me to educate my kids.  Each one of them is doing so well and I love seeing their successes sharing in their joy when they "get it".  As a general rule, we like to have our school year wrapped up by the end of May.  When June rolls around and the summer sun is high in the air so early in the morning, keeping the kids inside is like nailing bubbles to the wall.  With that goal in mind, they are ready for a big push in the next couple months to get it all done.  
• Every Tuesday and Wednesday, the kids and I help out at our church.  While moms attend Daybreak, we watch their kids for them.  I love how they are learning to serve others.  On Tuesdays, Arianna is lucky enough to do {some} school with her friends at their house and then they play until I pick her up.  It is a blessing to me and a treat for Arianna.  
• Our little dog continues to have epileptic seizures in addition to urinary incontinence.  The medication she's on should *allow* her to have one seizure a month.  So far in February, she's had 6.  We've begun to put diapers on her simply to reduce my frustration level with cleaning up but I'm finding the seizures are really hard on her bitty 10 pound body.  She also isn't eating well.  This causes a little concern as well.  We'll see what her vet has to say next week. 
• The weather.  It may not be a big deal but it is incredibly nice for February.  Instead of buying winter boots for my kids, I recently bought them new running shoes.  Most days, we can go out in a light coat or hoodie and we've made very little use of snow pants and mittens this year.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining... I like it this way!
• My sister is moving.  In June.  :(
• I bought myself a necklace online a while ago.  On Valentine's Day it showed up in the mail.  It is BEAUTIFUL.  I had each of the kids' names stamped into little silver disks and it's on a dainty silver chain.  It makes me happy.  
• We're starting to get really excited about our trip to the States.  The kids are talking about places they want to re-visit as well as new sights they'd like to see.  I can't wait!

Happy Friday!  Hope it's a great one!

One more reason I love homeschooling

So in addition to many of the perks that come with schooling my own kids at home, I found {another} reason why I love doing what I do. 

Arianna is on the brink of finishing her grade 2 math curriculum.  That means in a few weeks, she'll be starting grade 3. That's pretty exciting for her! 

Joshua is beginning his grade 8 reader/comprehension book and has only 2.5 books in math to finish his grade 7 year and then he starts grade 8.

Andrea is in the same boat with her LA and math as well. 

All of them are so excited at being that far ahead with their two core subjects and the idea of being a grade ahead is what keeps them motivated!