Testimony

Each Sunday, one family from our church has the opportunity to introduce themselves, sharing how they arrived at this church, a little about their walk with Jesus as well as anything else they wish to share. Last Sunday was our turn. I'd like to share that now with you.

I have been part of Spruce Grove Alliance Church since I was a baby and became a Christian when I was around 4 or 5 years old. I grew up in a secure Christian home and was baptized at the end of grade 9. Doug and I started seeing each other shortly before I graduated and after three years, three months and three days of dating, we were married.

This summer we celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary and we have four great kids with us today: Joshua, Andrea, Arianna and Sarah as well as three more that we will meet one day when we get to Heaven. In those 18 years, we had seen many ups and downs including the loss of my mom when I was 23. That event was a very critical point in my journey with God as my mom was faithfully leaning on Jesus, even when she knew there were no more answers. One prayer that she wrote in her journal was that her children would continue to follow Jesus, no matter what happened. I desired to have a faith like hers, one that was unwavering, confident and fully trusting in Him.

Fast forward a few years to November of 2011 when our world was once again turned upside down. We had received the news that Sarah had cerebral palsy and microcephaly, which means an abnormal smallness of the head and brain.  These two diagnosis together are what cause her to be severely delayed in all areas of development. It was also around that time that Doug and I thought something was going on with him and that’s when our journey with his depression began. I’m not sure where I thought God was at that time but I know well enough now, that He was there, holding me close even when my world seemed so dark.

When I think of how following Jesus has changed my life, one of the greatest transformations has actually occurred over the past 2 ½ years since we started attending Calahoo. My first encounter with this church was the summer of 2013 when Andrea was helping with worship for VBS and someone dressed up in a medieval costume showed up at my door to pick her up. Even before we were attending, people were being Jesus to us- someone was offering to bring Andrea to and from the church for me. That simple act by Michelle very quickly showed me how willing she was to bless me.

In the December after we began attending here, a couple friends and I were doing a prayer study with L. One of the first questions we were asked was “what is my relationship with God like?” and then “how would I like it to change?” Over time, it became clear that God was much more real than I had believed and He was desiring a much closer relationship with me. I have been a believer since I was young and I think over time, I had become comfortable in my faith and that comfort was robbing me of my dependency on God. I have been challenged physically, with my own heart issues, emotionally as I continue to learn about depression as well as being the mom of a special needs child and spiritually, understanding that God is who He says He is. And all the while, seeing God walk with me each step of the way.

I am learning to lean on Him and trust that He will carry me through every high and low in life. Making new friends as we get older isn’t easy but I have built so many wonderful relationships here and I am blessed by them all. I love being supported and encouraged by others, I love the group that meets on Wednesday nights and I appreciate being able to be real and honest with people. I also love how prayer has changed me. From sending out texts asking for someone to pray for me, to receiving them in order to pray for others and trusting that Jesus will answer. This was evident this past week as we were praying for a friend's little boy.


In our most recent chapter in the ladies study, we learned about Mary's courage when she was informed that she would be the mother of the people's Saviour. With a submissive spirit and servant's heart, she tells the angel, "May it be". We are invited to that kind of faith- one that calls us to face our fears and embrace uncertainty, because we don't know what God has in store for us. We leave behind the feeling of security, which forces us to trust in the sweet love of Jesus. That's what Mary did with a contented and obedient heart and she leads a wonderful example of how I want to live.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Fear

Have you ever been afraid of something or of doing something? I'm talking so afraid that the thought of doing it is paralyzing? I really hadn't thought of myself as being a fearful person until something occurred four weeks ago. When I received the news that I have multiple PVC's in my heart beat, I very quickly thought that walking wasn't going to be good for me any more. Looking back, obviously that wasn't (and isn't) the case but I was not to be convinced otherwise at the time. After being told the news of my heart, I stopped walking. For three weeks I didn't leave my house on foot. I couldn't even leave my driveway unless I was in the van. One morning I mustered up (what I thought was enough) courage. I tied up my shoes and headed out. And physically was unable to push myself to walk. I was paralyzed with fear and could not go further. I won't go into details about that but I'm thankful for the loving encouragement that came from some friends that morning.

This fear that I struggled with was not from God, but rather Satan who wanted to interfere with my growing relationship with God. The fear of walking also stemmed from some emotional stuff I was going through. A few days after I delivered my testimony, I began to question if I should have done it or not. I was consumed with seconding guessing myself, fearing the judgement of others and doubting if what I experienced was even real. I spent many hours pouring over my Bible, praying and asking friends to intercede in prayer as well. It was a really tough battle and at times I wondered if I'd be able to pull myself out of the pit.

During this time, God never left my side. He was patiently waiting with His hand stretched out, just longing for me to reach out and trust Him. Trust Him with my life, my health, my family, my friends, my everything. On July 29, I woke up with God saying to me "Okay Stephanie, time for reconciliation. I surrendered my guilt, fears, questioning doubt, my faults and failures and laid them at His feet. I began to have the sense that if I was able to conquer the fear of walking, a door would be opened for me and my walk with Jesus would grow to a deeper level. On August 2, I stepped out in faith and went for a short walk for the first time in 21 days.

So what did I learn?

Fear is not from God, it brings torment to our soul and it is a manifestation of the kingdom of darkness. Satan uses fear to stop us from fulfilling the call of God; it is one of the devil's greatest weapons. Fear causes doubt, second guessing and it can paralyze us from doing what is right in God's sight. It also prevents us from trusting in Him with ourselves. Second Timothy 1:7 says "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind." God desired to free me from the bondage of fear and it was up to me to change my thinking.

Since then I have ventured on a few walks. I haven't made it up to the distance and time that I was at earlier this summer but I believe that with time it will come. God will provide me with the strength I need. He will protect me, remove my fears and doubts and NEVER leave my side.

Psalm 56:3 "What I am afraid, I will trust in you."