Saturday, May 10, 2014

Mother's Day 2014

It was Sunday, May 9, 1999. My very first Mother's Day as a mom with my two day old son and the last one I would ever spend with my mom. Just two months and two weeks later, I said good bye as she walked in the waiting arms of Jesus after her heart simply gave up the fight to go on.

This particular Sunday of each year fills me with so many ups and downs. I travel the emotional roller coaster all day, experiencing joyous highs and tearful lows.

In the midst of the day, even though I am a mom and I get to be extra recognized, sometimes it's hard to be cheerful and smiley. The feeling of missing my mom never goes away and a small part of my heart is gone forever. I will always remember her... not a day goes by that she doesn't cross my mind, even if it's just for a fleeting moment. 

When I sat down to write my thoughts on my Mom, just pouring out my heart, this is what I came up with:

If I could have one more day, I would make us a cup of tea so we could talk.
I would ask you to write out all your favorite recipes because it's so precious to see your handwriting.
I would think of all the questions that I wanted to know the answers to and we'd write them out together.
If I knew what I'd be doing today, all those years ago, I would seek your opinion on so many things. 
Raising teenagers, baking secrets, housekeeping tips and home management ideas.
If I knew that I would be saying good bye forever, I would record our conversation so I could hear your voice again.
I'd ask you to write me a letter. With encouragement, support, prayers and guidance. I would treasure that forever.
I would take more pictures of us. Of you. I'd take a video of your laugh, your smile.
I know you weren't perfect. Or maybe you were.
Perhaps I've simply forgotten all the unpleasant memories and pushed them aside for only good thoughts and images.
I hope I've make you proud. That if you were here, I would hear you say "good job Tess."
If I could have one more chance to hug you, see your face, hear your voice.
If on that day, when I waved good bye after our last supper together,  I knew I wouldn't see you again, I would have told you how much I loved you.
That I was so thankful for the precious 23 years and 5 months we shared.
I would tell you that I appreciate everything you've done for me. 
You were a model for me. You lived a strong life and fought such a hard battle in the end. 
I hope I can be as wonderful and lovely as you. A heart full of joy, a face that radiates light and a soul that emits the love of Jesus everywhere I go. 

Happy Mother's Day Mom, you are loved today and always.

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