It's been a while since I blogged specifically about Sarah so I thought I'd give an update.
Wendy continues to come every few weeks to play with Sarah. Her visits are both encouraging to me and at the same time, can bring me down a bit. She brings wonderful materials for Sarah to touch and explore which is helping Sarah improve her visual memory & recognition. Sarah's current favorite item is when Wendy brings a bag of dried beans to hide toys in. My sweet girl quickly takes off her socks and wiggles her feet in the bag. It is a wonderfully sensory activity and I know she enjoys it.
The last visit was one for me to vent a bit. I received a call from the Glenrose Hospital and essentially felt like the door was closed in my face. They told me they couldn't help me until or unless Sarah was in a "program" such as a preschool. I hung up feeling defeated. I can't and won't put my tiny 3 year old in a school type place. I don't believe it will help and I'm not open to that idea. I also asked Wendy to help me begin the process for FSCD funding. Family Support for Children with Disabilities. Funding that would help with childcare since I feel that the people I ask to babysit must be quite a bit older and somewhat experienced with her. People who are ultra patient and understand that she is not of 3 year old abilities. That, is hard for me. I think when I complete the application and (if) we are approved, reality will hit once again. I think the most encouraging words Wendy says to me are "It is really tough isn't it?" Yes. It is tough. I appreciate the fact that she doesn't fluff around it telling me that it will be ok and so on. She accepts my decision to keep Sarah home and I appreciate that too. She is my advocate and on my side. Admittedly, I also have times (usually after she leaves) that I wish I didn't need these visits.
I try hard not to be too down or frustrated but like everyone else, I have bad days. Days that I cry more, wish and pray that I didn't have to go through this.
"I am pressed but not crushed,
persecuted, but not abandoned,
struck down, but not destroyed.
I am blessed beyond the curse,
for His promise will endure
and His joy is going to be my strength
Though the sorrow may last for the night,
His joy comes with the morning."
I'm doing my best to believe these words... really I am.