These depression posts are about Doug's fight with the disease and my determination to help him through it. I have learned to read the signs and I can then be on the alert. This means watching how the kids are behaving, the tidiness of the house, ensuring supper is more substantial than pancakes and exercising caution in how I say things. One thing that I've noticed since his official diagnosis is his shorter temper. I'm not saying he loses it, rather just gets impatient more quickly. Other things that are harder for someone with depression to deal with is physical pain or illness. For a "non-depressive" person, a sore back or cold would mean taking the necessary medication and working through it. For Doug, it (at times) can put him in a really low spot. He'll have very little energy and he will desire to spend more time in bed alone. So in addition to having less control of his mood and mind than others, he also has the deep negative feelings towards his physical self letting him down. I know this frustrates him but I am thankful and blessed that he is able to hear my words to make him aware of this. I think by me telling him, he is able to work on making a greater effort in watching those tricky moments.
I will continue to say, it can be tough to be on the other side of the fence. It is a fight to make sure that I don't fall into the same darkness for Doug and the kids' sake. It is also hard because if I'm in a bad mood, he is more susceptible to be cranky or unhappy. Not to say my feelings aren't okay to have but I need to keep them in check. And once in a while, that is hard. I'm thankful for my good friends who listen to me vent and then encourage me. They are amazing!
On a good note, our days are much better than they were, even six months ago. The medications are doing their job and we are thankful! Doug is more cheerful and agreeable. He wants to be around us and do things as a family. He recently took a week off work and we spent the time away from here and lived at his parent's acreage while they were away. I think even mowing the grass on a riding lawn mower can be therapeutic. Spending time at a place where you don't hear sirens, motorcycles racing or trucks revving their engines at all hours is really good for the mind. We enjoyed being away from the rush of city living and took the opportunity to slow down a bit.
We are continuing to work through this. One day at a time. We will conquer it together!