Mama's Arms & Sarah

Sometimes nothing else will do.  Sarah still wakes up during the night.  There.  I've said it.  My 2.5 (almost 3 year old), doesn't sleep through the night.  Ever.  Usually she's up just once but occasionally more.  Doug and I aren't the type to follow through with a cry it out method so most nights, Sarah ends up in our bed, sometime between the hours of midnight and 2:00 in the morning.  The easiest way to soothe her is nursing.  So I snuggle up with her for just a few minutes and then she pops in her soother and curls up right against my stomach and chest.  I take these quiet moments to admire her little fingers, long eyelashes and downy hair that is slowly coming in.  I look at her perfectness and am in awe at how wonderful God is. 

One year before Sarah was born (almost to the day), I miscarried for the third time.  I had moments of wondering if I we would even want to try to have another baby.  A loss after weeks of excitement and preparation is devastating.  Shortly after I lost the baby, I had a talk with a very dear friend of mine.  This mentor has since gone to live with her Father in Heaven but there's a few things she said to me that I will never forget.  Number one was: if I hadn't lost the baby that I did, I never would have known the baby I have.  Makes one think doesn't it?  Number two was: why not me?  That was her response to my "why me?"  I never did answer that but it made me think.  I have greater empathy for those who lost babies through miscarriage now.  I understand the hurt and the pain.  I can help comfort those moms because I do understand what it's like.

Now, I know there are people who disagree with how we're letting her sleep with us but I know she won't be in our bed forever and that's just our parenting style.  I am also aware that she is my last baby and although I'd love a full night's sleep, for now, I am going to take these sleepless nights and be thankful that I have a baby to love and hold.