On her wedding Day
The last family picture of us
And my favorite picture of her. I'm so glad my dad requested a solo picture was taken of her.
~Shirley Van Neck~
I could rewrite this blog post but the feelings and words would be very much the same as they were two years ago. So I will re-post the same post and then add bits and pieces how I feel they need to be changed. The original post will be italicized and the new parts will be in regular font.
Had I known 12 years ago that it would have been the last Mother's Day I spent with my mom, I know I'd have done things different. Knowing that in 9 weeks, she would be physically gone from me. It's been so long and I find myself forgetting more and more what she was like, what she did, how she sounded, even the scent of her perfume.
I try hard to keep her memory alive:
- A beautiful picture of her shines on the wall of my hallway
- My babies have all worn a simple green velour sleeper that she bought for Joshua.
- I consider yellow roses to be my favorite because they were HER favorite.
- My oldest daughter is her namesake.
- I drink my tea the way she did, sweet and milky.
- I usually make sure my babies are dresses before we go out. She didn't think babies should go out in their pajamas.
- I cook like her, using many of the same ingredients that she did.
- When my kids ask why I do things a certain way, I tell them because that's how my mom did it.
I know that no one is perfect but my mom was. Maybe I just picture her "perfect" because my memory won't allow anything negative to be thought of her but that's alright. She didn't yell at us kids, the house was always clean because I don't remember what it was like when she had four kids all under 9 years old, supper was always on the table when my dad got home, life was organized, she was always in control. I put her on a very high pedestal. I looked up to her and when she was gone, I didn't know how I would go on. Here I was, 7 week old baby in arms and no mom to tell me what to do for diaper rash, colic, or sleepless nights. There were (and still are) things I wish I asked her about and wonder what she'd think of me now. I hope she'd tell me that I'm doing a great job of being a mom. That if the laundry isn't done right away, that's alright. That if the house is a mess when my husband comes home, that's ok too. That burnt potatoes will be fine with some gravy on top. I'd like to think she's super proud of me. That she would look at my four beautiful children and say how pleased she was of them.
On Mother's Day, I try not to get too self absorbed in missing my mom. I have four kids who adore me and want to serve me and make me as happy as possible. I will receive a bouquet of yellow flowers (ok, dandilions), handmade cards, breakfast in bed and coffee. I will delight in their faces as they gift me with treasures they have found or made in school. During "Mother's Day" I will do my best to be cheerful and happy for my excited kids who want to bless me.
May you all have a Happy Mother's Day!