A Bunny

For quite a while now, Andrea has been friends with a girl who lives on a farm.  I can't recall how many times I'd pick Andrea up from Tia's with a plea to buy a bunny.  I always gave a firm no.  The last time (about 2 weeks ago), I was asked once again.  After Doug and I talked about it alone and with Andrea, we agreed to let her get one.  It was her money that bought the bunny, bag of food and some wood chips.  Today was the day that Tia delivered the bunny.  There was great anticipation in our house by everyone as the newest member of our family arrived.  The hutch was set up, water bottle and food dish filled and Miss. Pixie was introduced to her new home.

Starting to build the hutch

The completed hutch 

A very happy 11 year old! 

About 2 pounds of supreme cuteness!!

Has it been that long...

since Doug and I were in youth group at church?  I don't recall my first youth event but last night, I dropped off my "baby" at his.  It was an odd feeling of letting him go.  I didn't get out of the van to say good bye.  He didn't hug or kiss me either.  Some bittersweet feelings as I watched my firstborn head off with his friends, ready to face this next chapter in his life.

I remember many youth events... in fact, it was a Friday night (a football game to be specific) that I told a friend of mine that I wanted to date Doug.  Who knew that asking him to be my date for my grad night would eventually lead us down the aisle into our marriage of now 14 years!

Anyhow, it was just an odd-like sensation bringing Joshua to something that I so clearly remember about my own growing up years.  Maybe it made me just feel older.  More grown up.  How silly is that!  Am I ready for junior high... I hope these are great years for him.  Years of friends, growing and changing.

Wow.  Junior high....

Happy Birthday Andrea

Eleven years ago today, I went into the hospital ready to have our second baby.  I had no idea at the time how this sweet little bundle of pink would change our lives forever.  From a cute, round faced, pig-tail haired little girl to a tall, slim, mature young lady... the years have gone by so fast.  

You are an amazing girl and I can see God doing amazing things in your life.  You have a heart to tell people about Jesus and I know He has great plans for you.

You are wonderful with children... both your own younger sisters, and the kids you babysit.  You have a natural gift to play with them and I can see much of me in you when I was that age.  

You can sing.  I love listening to you praise God through your voice.

You are smart.  Teaching you is a joy and it's so exciting to have those "lightbulb" moments together as a concept becomes clear to you!  

You are creative.  I've seen you design Halloween costumes, dresses and other items.  You are crafty, artistic and talented.  I can't wait to see how you put all those to use as you grow up even more.

You are not a morning person.  Your birthday present this morning will tell that!  *smile*

Birthday 2004

Joshua is your closest friend and yet a greatest pest at the same time. 

Birthday 2005

Arianna models you.  She adores you and watches everything you do.  She wants to be just like you!

Birthday 2006

Sarah adores you.  You are her "go-to" person when I'm busy in the kitchen or when I need to run out for a bit.  You are her hero!

Birthday 2007 - First motorcycle ride!

Your dad and I love you.  We love watching you grow into a young woman and we are amazed at how far you've come in your life.  I pray that God protects you in these fragile years and that He continues to show me how to be the best mom to you.  

Birthday 2008

Birthday 2009

Birthday 2010

Today is your day Andrea.  I wish you the happiest of all birthdays and that this year is filled to overflowing with fun, happiness and blessings!

2011

Moving On

We moved into this house in November 2009.  Around that time, a sweet 11 year old girl moved into a house across the street.  Andrea and Cassie clicked like I've never seen before.  Two girls who danced together, spent endless hours at one another's houses, one waited for the other to come home, shared clothes... you name it.  They were the greatest of girlfriends.  In June of 2010, Cassie's family decided to move back to their home in Ontario.  To my young 10 year old, that might as well have been across the world, not just across the country.  Andrea cried for a long time after that.  The girls have stayed in touch by phone (yes, we've paid more than enough in long distance charges) but it's not the same.

Last night, after a conversation on the phone with Cassie, Andrea fell into a funk.  She was gloomy and unhappy.  Around 10:00 she came to me crying about how much she misses her friend.  We had a long talk (why do these happen late at night?!) and I told Andrea that she needed to let go of the ultra-sad feelings she has about Cassie living so far away.  I reminded her of the friends she has close by and although they will never BE Cassie, they are still wonderful girls to have around.  I encouraged her to call other girls that she knows through our homeschooling lines and do what she can to play with them.  I reminded her that Cassie will always have a special place in her heart and no one can replace that special friendship they had.  I also had to encourage her that there ARE other kids who live much closer and can be super friends as well.

Thankfully, she went to bed happily thinking about her upcoming birthday and the plans she was creating to celebrate it.

Cassie & Andrea

Fun Monday

I took the kids on an impromptu trip to an outdoor pool today.  What a great way to spend the day!  We all came home sun-kissed and some of us a little pinker than others.  I remembered to put sunscreen on everyone except Joshua.  Poor guy has quite a sunburn.
One of the pool rules is that in order for the kids to play in the deep end and use the diving boards, they must swim a length of the pool without stopping.  This, is not Joshua's forte.  He tried {unsuccessfully} twice and I managed to encourage him to do it once more.  Thankfully, he did it and was able to have the freedom that his sister and cousins did.
Arianna was happy to keep a life jacket on which meant I could just follow Sarah around.  Arianna also surprised me by doing a flip off the diving board!  Wow, she's sure gotten braver over the years!

It was (at times) exhausting to keep an eye on Sarah.  She has no perception of danger or depth of water.  Also, with her balance issues, I had to ensure I held her hand at all times.  Thankfully, she was just as happy to spend lengths of time in her stroller eating snacks.  That gave me a few minutes here and there to watch the older ones and let my guard down a bit.

Overall though, it was a fantastic day!  When we got home, I somehow managed to send all three older kids to both sets of grandparents which meant I had the evening to myself!  Oh, sweet alone time!

New Gadget

On my blog now.  You now are able to receive my blog posts via email.  On the top right hand corner, you can see the link to add your email.  I don't have access to that information, the blog updates are simply sent to you automatically.  If you prefer, I can add you manually to receive them.

Release

I haven't blogged in a while lately and despite my wanting to write something... my mind came up blank.  I haven't *really* started school, we have no news about Sarah, and life in general just seems to be chugging along.  Last weekend, I attended our church service and shared these thoughts with Doug:

After months of stressing, worrying and crying about the concerns for Sarah, I finally released my struggle and gave it back to God.  It was at church one evening and I don't remember the speaker or even the message but I came to the realization that I can't and don't need to deal with this on my own.  That this is where God wants me to be and I am doing the best I can for my little girl.  I will {try} to wait patiently for the appointments and when those days come, do my best to lean on my Father to hold me up.  I imagine and expect many tears to fall yet.  I'm just one of those people.  I cry lots.  I suspect I'll also have angry days as well.  

Now, that being said, I still struggle a bit because I am still the parent and will have to help administer the tests... no one will take that difficulty away.  I will be the parent who watches her *baby* fall into a deep slumber to prepare for an MRI.   I will hold her bitty arm so that we can get the necessary blood work done.  I look forward to when all this stuff is done and we {hopefully} will get some answers.

Romans 5:3 reminds me that "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance." 

Wordless Wednesday

08.24.11

Today

Thankful Thursday (08.18.11)

• my husband of 14 years
• my four amazingly wonderful children
• God's forgiveness, mercy & love
• the fabulous volunteers who hang out with my kids at VBS
• my in-laws and their generosity (love their garden!)
• friends~ both local and across the US
• my health
• the tools that make my life just a bit simpler 
• life

School Pictures

As I enter a new year of homeschooling I had thought about how public schools all get photographers to come in and take pictures of the students.  Although my kids were in a hybrid program last year, and did get their photos taken, I {personally} thought I could do better.  And I did.  So this year, I am offering homeschool families the opportunity to get their kids' pictures taken.  I don't know if anything will come of it but I thought I'd throw it out there!

Jam Day

I spent the better part of yesterday at my mother in law's, making freezer jam.  We made five batches and each batch yielded seven jars of jam. 

 Picking through the fruit

 Off to get some more raspberries!

 Even Sarah got in on the action!

 The mixture sitting and waiting to be poured into jars.

Thirty-five jars of jam!  And 7 were left at my mother-in-laws.

 After four hours, Grandma and Sarah needed a rest!

A delightful spread on toast this morning!

So Crazy Hard

I received ANOTHER batch of forms to fill out this afternoon.  Ten pages of medical and developmental history for Sarah... this one for the Preschool Assessment Service.
My least favorite question is:

What are your main concerns about your child?  The answer that comes from my heart is "nothing... it's the doctor that wants the assessment."  I don't even know IF I'm concerned.  Yes, she's behind.  I understand, admit and accept that.  I don't know that it's a concern though.  No idea what to put in that blank. 


This all just makes me sad, angry and ready to cry.  I hate having to go through all this.

Wednesday Thoughts

• Although I haven't had as many sad days as I did at the end of July, I still have moments.  They are unpredictable and can show up at any time.  The last meltdown was at a wedding.  No reason... just a moment of tears.
• I was discouraged the other day.  Sarah had a wonderful year from age 2-3... no tantrums, screaming, nothing.  Now as she is past her third birthday, she's just busier, mischievious and looks for trouble.  This is sad for me since these are behaviors that most parents see at 18-24 months.  Maybe just confirmation that she is as delayed as we're told. 
• I have moments where I wonder if she's regressing.  I hate to be such a downer but it's what I see.  Maybe I'm wrong and I'm imagining things.
• Today we started school.  It was time to have a bit of routine back in our day and I was tired of the kids hanging around.  It went reasonably well.  For day one.  I am really looking forward to schooling them this year.
• I am marvelling at the independence of my older three kids.  Today, Joshua biked to the church on his own for a weekly program they have.  Andrea and Arianna went to a park today by themselves that mean they had to cross a busy (light controlled) street.  I know I could have gone with them but I was tired and I knew they would be delighted to be on their own.  
• I love the warm summer days we've been having.  I'm dreading putting jeans, sweaters and coats back on...

That's all for now...

Wordless Wednesday

Opthamologist Appointment

I was up early this morning.  I had every intention of hopping on the treadmill before breakfast but the tightness in my chest from the cold I've been fighting was just too much for me.  Instead, I went downstairs to enjoy a cup of coffee and some kid-free time.

Overall, the appointment went well.  Sarah was (for the most part) cheerful and cooperative.  Both the opthamologist and the intern were really good with kids and didn't force anything on Sarah.

When all was said and done, he determined that her eyelids are "hooded".  That just means her eyelids are more prominent than average.  The initial concern was that this hooding could be preventing her from seeing to her full potential.  This is not the case.  Her optic nerves are smaller than normal but most of her body is.  *smile*  We left with the knowledge that she doesn't need surgery or glasses and that her vision is not the cause of her balance issues. 

This is both good and bad.  I'm glad she doesn't need anything to correct her vision but that means there's still something else going on.  Now we continue to wait...

Goldfish Crackers

I had recently seen a link for homemade goldfish crackers.  You know those crazy addictive cheese flavored crackers?  So good!  Anyhow, I thought to myself, "I'm creative and like to try new things, let's give them a try."  I used the recipe from FOODBUZZ and set out to make them.  Let me first say, the best part about this is that you very likely have the five ingredients in your house right now.  So here's the recipe:

1 cup Flour
4 Tbsp Butter, room temperature
8 ounces Sharp Cheddar Cheese, grated
3/4 tsp Salt
2 Tbsp cold water

1. Pulse everything together in the food processor until it resembles coarse sand.
2. Pulse in water, 1 tablespoon at a time.
3. Remove, wrap in plastic, and chill for 20 minute.
4. Roll out dough, and cut into desired shape. You can use a toothpick to make the eyes and smile if desired.  Place on lined cookie sheet.  Bake at 350 degrees for about 15 minutes, or until crispy.

Now I'm sure you're wondering how I made those fish shapes... I saw the instructions for this on Miss. Anthropist's Kitchen.  All you need is a pair of sharp scissors, some tape or stapler and a pop can.  Here's the instructions for that:

1. Draw outline of goldfish on a piece of paper for reference. (Mine was about an inch in length)
2. Take an empty soda can and cut through it horizontally using a sharp knife.
3. Using your scissors, cut a strip of metal from the soda can (it should be the circumference of the soda can).
4. Straighten edges with scissors
5. Using your goldfish paper template, determine how big the head will be and fold both sides outwards accordingly. Don’t fold too harshly or the strip will break. If this happens, just cut off another strip and start again.
6. Using your template, determine when to fold the tail. Make sure the end of the tail overlaps at some point, and cut off the excess strip if necessary.
7. Staple or tape or glue the ends of the tail together. (I used tape over the tail).
8. For more safety, you may put a protective layer of tape over the top part of the fish (the non-cookie cutting side where you’ll be applying the pressure) as a protection against the metal when cutting. 

My tips:

* I'd add a touch more salt.  I just like salty foods.  I'd also probably add a touch of garlic or onion salt for a bit more flavor.

* Make sure the dough is rolled out quite thin, otherwise you have very thick crackers

* I didn't store them air tight because I didn't want them soft. 

Dreams & Waiting

I hate bad dreams.  I always dwell on them and wonder if they'll come to pass.  I often dream quite vividly, especially if there's something going on in my life at the time.  For instance, I'll dream of scrapbooking the night before a day of crafting.  Or I'll dream of fabric and quilt pieces before I begin a quilt project.  Odd stuff like that. 

Last night I dreamed about... you guessed it, Sarah.  In the dream we were given a diagnoses similar to autism but with a few quirks.  She would never get bigger physically or emotionally.  In a nutshell, we were told that she would remain our *little girl* forever.  It was absolutely heartbreaking.  I'm sad that these are the thoughts that are with me both day and night.

Waiting is hard.  Excruciatingly so in fact. 

Wait for the referral papers to arrive in the mail. 

Wait to hear that the doctor's office has received them. 

Wait to hear from the specialists. 

Wait for the appointment. 

Wait for the results. 

I'm tired of waiting.  I'm trying to be patient and have peace about this all but it's tough.  A dear friend of mine told me that tears are good for us.  That's encouraging to know.

Phillipians 4:13 says: I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength. 

This is the verse I'm clinging to on the hard days. 

Quick Project!

I had seen on Homemade Mamas WEBSITE, a tutorial on how to turn a shower pouf into a bath toy pouch.  I happened to have one lying around and gave it a shot!  It is so cute and took me about 10 minutes to whip up!  It will look so fun in the bathroom!

Click HERE for the tutorial.

Here's mine:

Evenings

Seems to be the hardest part of the day.  After the busyness of the daily activities are done and I finally sit down in the quiet... I get a little sad (or a lot).  I have time to reflect on what we've done and I wonder what the future holds for Sarah.  I don't mean to reflect on the negatives, they just seem to come out.  I think about how this isn't life threatening but it is life altering (in the words of Doug).  What does the future hold for Sarah?  For our family? 

Just now I was thinking about the upcoming MRI (in 3.5 months) and it actually made my stomach turn.  To say I'm not looking forward to it is an understatement... I'm dreading it.  The anesthetizing, the procedure, recovery and the potential results.

*sigh*

Balance

I have been struggling with this for Sarah since it was confirmed that she is globally delayed.  I've had a wonderful EI worker come to our house every 2-4 weeks to play with Sarah and teach me how to help her develop further.  Some of the exercises (if you will) take a fair amount of effort and time on my part.  Planning and helping her stay focused.  I know that these times will help her grow and become stronger...

but...

a small part of my momma heart wants to leave her alone.  No therapeutic *playing*, no working on areas of weakness... nothing.  Just let her be perfectly three years old.  She will learn things as she chooses and will gain confidence and knowledge at her own pace...

but...

I need to give her the tools required to reach her full potential.  I need to help her reach the top of HER mountain, however high that may be. 

I wish I knew the answers...

Tough Questions

I received a package that I need to fill out for Sarah to be evaluated at the Glenrose Hospital.  At the bottom of the form are two questions.

1. What are your main concerns about your child?
2. What questions would you like answered?

Hm.  How do I honestly answer those?  What ARE my concerns?  I have no idea how to put feelings and tears onto paper.  I don't even know if I have any questions...

I never thought I'd be in these shoes.  I just didn't imagine that this was the path we'd be following for our daughter.  I guess I'll think on it and do my best to put the words down. 

Pediatrician Appointment (07/18/11)

I'm not totally sure what I expected out of today's visit at the pediatrician.  I left with a plethora of information and I'm still processing what we found out.

Let me first say, it was amazing that I actually got in to see this doctor who isn't accepting new patients and who specializes in kids with delays and special needs.  We initially saw the nurse who spent the first hour with us going over all of Sarah's birth history, growth information, developmental milestones, measurements and even blood pressure.  After an additional 10 minute wait, Dr. M came in to see us.  When all was said and done, it was determined that:

• Sarah will get another MRI of her head to see what is going on in it.  She has a very small head due to failure of brain growth (Microcephaly).  This can (and is very likely) causing the delays in her balance, speech and other areas of development such as fine and gross motor skills. 
• We have been asked to get genetic testing done.  We were offered this when she was younger and we didn't get it done... we likely will look into it now.
• We've been referred to the Glenrose for more intense and therefore conclusive testing and assessments.
• She needs to see a pediatric opthamologist for her eyes.
• I need to work on stretching her hips.  They are really tight and are part of the balance issues she has. 
• We'll go back for a three month follow up.

Dr. M continued to tell us that this is something she will {very likely} deal with for the rest of her life.  She will require helps and special education for many years.  I'm glad my home school can incorporate special education!  Until we get results from the testing though, we won't be able to know what her full potential is and what we can do about it.  He agreed that the play therapy from our local Early Intervention Program is good for her.  At this point, I'm not going to put her into a preschool/special needs school.  My biggest concern is that my sweet and quiet little girl would be so compliant that she may not receive the help she needs.  I can do that at home.  I have a little *school* of four students and with all five of her family members surrounding her, she will get all the help she needs here.   


During the initial exams, she cried.  She didn't like having her blood pressure taken or her ears checked.  She was equally upset when the Doctor started manipulating her hips.  She kept crying with these huge tears rolling down her cheeks, "I wan' go hoooooome".  Poor little girl.  


I am so thankful that Doug and Melanie (my sister in law) were able to join me at the appointment.  I am was emotionally charged to begin with and it was a blessing to have two extra people to support me as well as hear things that I may have missed. 


Earlier I mentioned that Dr. M isn't accepting new patients.  It just so happens that my beautiful sister in law is a nurse for him and she asked if he would accept and look at Sarah.  He agreed to see her and as hard as today's visit was, I'm very thankful. 

In Loving Memory - Part 2

Here are some thoughts that have gone through my mind today:

• Do people remember this day and why it is so hard and painful for me?  I know they used to but I wonder if over time, others have just forgotten...
• I wish that on July 13 of every year, I could have a few hours to myself.  To think, cry, read, sleep... whatever I wanted, without having to think about the kids.  I feel that is one of the harder parts.  I have no time alone to be sad.
• I would have liked to have bought myself a bouquet of yellow roses.  They were my mom's favorite and because they were, I've become quite fond of them myself.  My dad used to do that for me.
• I don't think that over time, it gets easier.  The pain is still there and although, maybe not as fresh as it was 12 years ago, this is one of the hardest days in a year. 
• Someone used to call me on this day.  I miss that friend a lot. 
• I feel sad (and even a bit angry) at those who do not have a good relationship with their mom.  I'd do just about anything to have mine back.
• She would be the one person I could talk honestly and openly to about anything.

(Not bad, the tears just started now)

• I'm sad that she didn't get to see more of her children get married or more grandkids be born.  She would have loved and doted on every single one of them.  
• I feel like I've been short changed on life.  I don't have the opportunity to tell her about the kids, their successes, their joys and their tears.  What would she think about my choices in how I've raised them?
• She was such a strong woman in her faith.... I feel so immature when I compare myself to her.  As of late (with Sarah stuff), I've faltered and stumbled in my walk with God.  
• I feel alone.  I am very thankful for the prayers that friends offer but it just doesn't fill the void... at least not today.
• For many years I embraced the role of the "Big Sister" which forced me to keep my feelings in check, especially when on of my siblings were feeling down.  I often put on the brave, happy face that I felt I needed to show them.  Thankfully, I've let my guard down and allow myself to be sad and emotional when I need to.
• I am thankful for the years I had.  She taught me how to be a homemaker, wife and mom.  So much of how I do things is because that's the way she did it.  
• I hope for a long life on earth, watching my children grow up and growing old with Doug.  I am so thankful for eternal life in Heaven.  I look forward to one day being reunited with her, just as she was with her mom.
• Something I try so hard at believing (but don't always do such a good job of) is written on her headstone: GOD IS AND ALL IS WELL. 

I may add more later.  This is all that's coming to me now.

In Loving Memory - Part 1

Today I found the words that I spoke at my Mom's funeral.  It's quite long but I thank you for hearing my heart.  Also remember, I was quite a bit younger and in emotional turmoil.  Any quotes from my Mom are in italics.  I will write a response to this later...

My mom put her whole life in God's hands. Much of what I will try to say today is from the journals she wrote in. Shortly before her surgery in April, she had written: 

“How could I leave? How could my family make it without me? All I could do was hang onto my faith that night and over the next few days. God took me through the valley. His answer was simple, 'I love you and I love your family and no matter what the outcome, I will take care of all of you.'”

She continues to write:

“God will help John and the kids through and I have to trust Him to just that. My mom died when I was 29 in 1984 and I felt I was much too young. My kids are younger and I can't even think of what it would be like for them. My greatest fear is that they will turn away from God in anger.”

I truly believe the opposite has happened. My faith in God has become much stronger since her illness began in December of 1997. She was a light that shone to me and helped me get through the storms. After reading numerous journals, I know that it was God who helper her along and it is God who will continue to help me along as well.

The next thing I want to say came from a piece she wrote titled On Being a Mom. It is too long to read entirely so I chose some special lines.

“I love my children and it has always been important to me that they know it and feel it. I hugged and kissed my babies, they often fell asleep on my chest. I tried to tell them I loved them. I used words, actions, and connections. I tried to listen and really hear them. I tried to make each feel special, protected, encouraged and obedient. I tried to mold their behaviour so they would be likeable children. I tried to teach them clear moral standards and the meaning of loyalty and sharing. I encouraged them to be their own person. I taught them to work hard and do their best. To live with gusto and enthusiasm.”

After reading that, I realized that I want to be the mom to Joshua that she was to me. I feel that those are a set of guidelines that I need to follow and raise my own son by. I hope I do a good job. The last thing I want to quote is a prayer Mom wrote on August 4, 1998.

“Father in Heaven, I ask in the name of your Son Jesus, that through the power of the Holy Spirit, that I may be healed completely. Fully and totally healed and restored. I long to be whole and physically strong. Please hear my prayer O God.”

The first time I read that, I was angry with God. Why didn't He answer her desperate plea? Why couldn't he have done that for her? Then I began to realize that He did. Maybe not the way we would have wanted – to have her earthy heart healed – but I know her Heavenly heart is beating in perfect rhythm. She is running down the streets of gold praising the God she fully trusted. She is a witness to me and I have learned a lot from her and her personal testimony. I thank God for the special times I shared with her after Joshua was born and I will treasure those days forever. I would just like to add:

Mom, you taught me everything I know – how to cook, clean, and bake; how to be a good wife and mom. You were the best teacher in the world, and as my role model, I hope I continue to live the way you would have wanted me to. I will never forget the many talks we had and any time I have a cup of tea, I'll be thinking of you.  You were my best friend in the whole world and I wasn't ready to say good-bye.  We are both too young to lose each other and I still need you more than ever.  On Tuesday morning, I promised I would take care of Joshua for you, and I know you'll be watching out for us.   I love you Mom and will miss you always.

Time To Say Goodbye

This is the song that was played at my mom's funeral.  The only difference is that the recording we used didn't have Sara Brightman.  I couldn't find a copy with just Andrea Bocelli.

The translated lyrics are:

When I'm alone I dream of the horizon and words fail me.
There is no light in a room where there is no sun
and there is no sun if you're not here with me, with me.
From every window unfurls my heart the heart that you have won.
Into me you've poured the light,
the light that you found by the side of the road.

Time to say goodbye.
Places that I've never seen or experienced with you.
Now I shall, I'll sail with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,
it's time to say goodbye.

When you're far away I dream of the horizon and words fail me.
And of course I know that you're with me, with me.
You, my moon, you are with me.
My sun, you're here with me with me, with me, with me.

Time to say goodbye.
Places that I've never seen or experienced with you.
Now I shall, I'll sail with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,

Both
I'll revive them with you.
I'll go with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,
I'll revive them with you.
I'll go with you.

Deep Fried Apple Slices

I found this most wonderful recipe on a website called How to: Simplify (my friend Evonne posted the link on FB) and I whipped up a batch of them this morning!   DELICIOUS! 

For the rings:

• 1 large egg white
• 1 cup water
• 1 tablespoon vanilla
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 6 large apples, peeled
• Canola oil for frying
• Cinnamon and sugar

For the icing:

• 4 tablespoons butter, melted
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 1 tablespoon cinnamon
• 2 tablespoons milk
• 1 - 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar

Directions:

1. Whisk egg white until foamy. Whisk in the water and vanilla. Next, whisk in the flour and salt.
2. Slice the apples into 1/2-inch thick slices. Using varying sized cutters, cut “rings” out of apple slices, discarding smallest circle containing core. 
3. Heat oil to 375 degrees. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
4. Dip apple rings into batter and then place into the oil. Allow the apples to fry in small batches and turn frequently. Remove from the oil when golden brown and place on a paper towel. Sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar.
5. Transfer rings to a wire rack and place the wire rack on a baking sheet. Place in the oven for 5-10 minutes or until the rings turn crispy.
6. Drizzle the icing over the rings and serve warm. (To make the icing, simply combine all of the ingredients and stir until combined).

A couple of notes:
* I could have done with halving the recipe.  The batter did cover all 6 apples but we had LOTS!
* The icing recipe was more than enough, even for the full batch.  I'd cut it in thirds or even quarter it.
* They are best fresh.  Even after a few hours they got soft and weren't nearly as good.

8 Weeks

I know it's still another 8 weeks (give or take) until school starts again but I stumbled upon a great website through Facebook (you know how those trails can lead you) and I'm really inspired by how this one mom organizes her day.  She calls them Workboxes.  You can see how they are done here.  Of course one thing leads to another and I've found summer reading printables, great playdoh recipes, and a plethora of information!  For the past few years, the kids have been in a hybrid school program where they've gone twice a week to school for most of their subjects while staying home on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for Math and Language Arts.  This fall, I am going back to full time home education and I am excited to get started.  I hope that the things I find and do will also excite my kids. 

She missed me

Arianna is growing up at a crazy rate.  Inside and out.  She longs to be bigger like her older siblings, wanting to do what they do.  Last night, she was planning to spend the night at her friend's house (which she's done before a few times).  I received a phone call at 10:00 saying that a little girl needed her mom.  My heart did a little flip as heard that.  At 7 years old, she is wanting to be so independent and at the same time, still needing to be close to home.  When Doug brought her in, we snuggled on the bed for a bit and then I tucked her in under her own covers. 

I'm glad she's still my little girl!  Don't grow up too fast Sweetheart.

Nanaimo Bars

These little delights are a treat that I've enjoyed since I was little.  I can even recall asking my mom to make them instead of a birthday cake.  For the past couple years, Arianna has asked me to do the same.  After I posted pictures on Facebook, I had a couple requests for the recipe so here it is!

Nanaimo Bars

Base:

1/2 cup of butter

1 egg

1/3 cup of sugar 

2 cups of graham wafer crumbs

5 tablespoons of cocoa

1/2 cup of coconut (I do less)

1 tsp of vanilla

Melt butter, sugar, cocoa, vanilla and egg in a double broiler pot.  Remove from heat and add wafers and coconut.  Press well into a greased 9x9 pan.  Let cool.

Center:

1/4 cup of butter

2 tablespoons of custard powder

2 cups of icing sugar

3 tablespoons of milk

Cream butter and add custard and milk.  Blend in the icing sugar, spread over base and let cool.  See note at the bottom.

Topping:

4 squares of semi-sweet chocolate OR 1 cup chocolate chips 

2 tablespoons of margarine or butter (Margarine will keep the chocolate softer while butter will make it hard)

Melt chocolate and butter/margarine and spread over center.  Let cool, cut and eat!

Notes:

*To change the color of the center, add food coloring.  Custard will make it very yellow so if you add red food coloring, you can get an orange/peach or even pink center, depending on how much you add.  At Christmas, I add blue food coloring to get a green center.  The coloring needs to be added during the first mixing of butter and custard so the color is even. 

*If you wish to double the recipe, just use a 9x13 pan.

I just linked this recipe to SWEET AS SUGAR COOKIES!  Lots of wonderful treats there to check out!!

Seasons

We all go through different seasons... not the 4 physical ones that come every year, but rather seasons of friends, family members, hardships and joys.  There's many more, but they are personalized, depending on the person.  Last week, I took the kids to a barbeque picnic with their former school mates.  (We had pulled them out of the part time program in February).  This was to give the kids the chance to see their friends in a large group for {probably} the last time.  It didn't take long for me to realize that even after four short months, the relationships had drastically changed.  The older kids all found the one or two friends that they were really looking forward to seeing and I just ended up watching them for the time.  I actually felt that we were intruding on the school's picnic and wasn't totally sure we were welcome.  An odd feeling to be sure.
I felt that we were no longer part of the *community* of Stony Creek.  It was sad for me in a few ways.  One being, that unless I put the kids back in the program (which probably won't happen), that "family" feel is gone.  I am so thankful for the amazing friendships I have built with some moms over the years and I hope and pray we continue to be friends.  There are a few women who I have shared and opened so much of my heart with and I love them for it.  I hope my children continue to phone the friends they've made and that those friends call them up as well.  When we left the school, it wasn't my intent to drop all relationships but instead to keep close the ones we all had made.and build on them.  
I am in a season of pouring much of my energies into my four amazing children.  I am mothering them.  Teaching them.  Loving them.  Advocating for them.  Supporting and loving them with all my heart.  This is what God wants me to do, where He wants me to be and this is the season I'm in.

Today...

I'm kind of in a melancholy, sad mood this evening.

Sarah and I had a Play & Say group this morning.  It was essentially an hour of watching and interacting with her as she played with all kinds of toys.  It was an opportunity for the Speech Pathologist to observe her in a more comfortable and casual setting compared to the first assessment.  The SP did notice that Sarah's talking overall was much better than when they first saw her in May.  I did explain that I didn't feel the initial meeting gave Sarah a fair chance to show what she could say since the setting was new and strange and she has a real fear of medical facilities.  Thankfully, today Sarah was really chatty and we were given some good tools on how to work with her.  I worked really hard at not putting up the barrier walls that I so desperately wanted to build.  Walls that would harden my heart and close my ears to hear what they had to say.  I think I did okay.

I am certainly thankful for our healthcare system.  The resources that I've used (speech and home visits) are free.  I'm not having to pay out of pocket for them.  I guess it still hurts me inside that I *need* to use them.  I've heard all the well-wishers tell me that she'll do great, she'll benefit from it... all that good stuff.  I love and cherish the encouragement and prayers coming from everyone but my heart is so very sad.  The tears just seem to come so easily lately when I think of how far she has to come to *catch up*.  It is really hard to see other kids her age and even younger who don't have the delays that Sarah does.  To hear other two and three year old talk in 5-8 word sentences that are completely understandable is not only hard but it hurts me.  I'm the only one in Sarah's world that understands most (if not all) of what she says.  Doug and the kids can understand lots as well but we really have to watch for context when she speaks. 

I borrowed a book from my friend Karen, called Prayer Saturated Kids and I fear how my kids can be prayer saturated if I'm not.  If I don't model  true faith in God and trust Him, how can they?  Tonight I read the following:

"For various reasons, God sometimes doesn't answer our prayers in the way we've asked.  Perhaps the request is not within His will.  Other times we waver in our faith.  Other times our prayers are not answered immediately because our request is not within God's timing.  The bottom line is that no matter what happens, keep trusting God.  He is faithful."  Page 104, Prayer Saturated Kids

I know this to be true.  I know because I was brought up to know and believe it.  I guess when I was given this information and news, I felt let down.  This plethora of testing and assessments didn't fit into MY schedule or plan for Sarah.  When she was only 8 days old, we dedicated her to God.  Knowing that she was His child but ours to care for while she lives on earth.  That being said, I need to continue to work at accepting what He has laid out for her and her life.  I may not always like it but I have to do my best to work through it.  I'm far from that point.  I have lots of emotions to work through.  This just happens to be one of those tough days.   There's a small part of me that just feels like I'm alone in this and that no one understands.

Thank you for reading this and encouraging me.  I do my best to accept all the love and prayers that everyone gives me... I'll keep plugging through it and we'll be alright.

Eggs.

As far as my earliest memory goes, I have never liked eggs.  It is even written in my baby book by my mom that at 9 months old, I spat them out.  Today, I gave them one last chance.  There were more peppers than eggs in the mix which I thought would be ok.  Now I think it was just a waste of really good peppers.  I couldn't even swallow them.  I thought I could be grown up about it and all but no-go.  I love French toast, as long as it's cooked well.  Other than that and in baking, there's no way I can eat them.

Happy Heart-Aversary

Six years ago today, my uncle was gifted with a new heart.  He was so very sick and was in desperate need of a miracle.  Praise God, he was granted a heart transplant.  I am so very thankful for his new lease on life and I know how much his family loves him.

Uncle Gerald, I love you so much.  You are one of the greatest, craziest and loving people I know.  Definitely one of  my "favorites"!  I hope you have a wonderful day celebrating your life with your family!!  xoxoxox

In my happiness for them, I have sadness for me.  My mom didn't get the miracle.  She was eternally healed but it still hurts me inside.  Today I will smile for my aunt, uncle and cousins and yet, shed a few tears at the same time.  I won't go into all my feelings, today isn't about me or my Mom... I've posted endlessly about it... you can read about her (if you wish) in other posts.